Pride of Sakura
by Lady Yami
Summary: The explosive result of partnering a gloomy human fortetecher named Lucy Gray and an uppity numan ranger named Yuu Sezaburo. Government conspiracy, terrorist plots, love, and the most scheming PM ever lead our brave heroine above and beyond. Insanity.
1. 8,000 O'clock

Pride of Sakura

Chapter 1: Eight Thousand O'Clock

AN: This is an older story, but one of my favorites. It is also complete, which is a plus. I apologize for any errors, but no beta/lazyness = scary stuff. Enjoy.

Summary: Bored human guardian desperately wishes to be a Numan, but settles for obsessing over them in a vaguely creepy, fangirlish way. At some point, her insane P.M. becomes more insane, and destroys several things. This results in the earned hatred of her partner, who is both Numan and kind of an anal-retentive pansy and so tsundere his moe actually causes black holes. Cue exploding trees, and cheesy romance, and ALL CAPS RAGE.

X X X

I was swallowed by a dream, at first. It was one of those lovely ones that just goes well, and doesn't result in you prancing about naked in a public place. I was garbed entirely in Neudaiz-esque clothing, standing behind the The Maiden, waving to a vast crowd with her. It was on a mysterious high balcony that apparently existed _somewhere_, with Sakura petals drifting along a balmy wind. There were a few guys standing behind me, whom I was going to assume were my husbands. One for each night of the week, of course. Everyone called me Sakurako, and my hair was long and black, and I was completely slender and lovely and---Uh oh. Here it is. The dream's ending. CRAP. Nooo, but I want to touch The Maiden's hair…

The lights went from dim to suddenly bright in my too-warm room on the colony. All around me, I could hear the faint hum of voices that signaled Gurhal's defenders waking up to start the day. My radio clicked on automatically. I woke up and got yelled out by my P.M., who was complaining about needing to be tuned up after a recent fight. In her defense that particular fight had involved her riding around on a Gol Dova due to me betting her she couldn't do it. Of course the resulting landing was far from lovely. I figured something was wrong when she took up the habit of placing my shoe on her head like a hat and parading around like it was quite sexy. Even now, there was a slipper on her shiny purple head.

"Ah, Lucy. It is approximately eight thousand o'clock. You'll need to hurry." I sighed and rolled over to the left, coming face-to-face with my P.M. She's a GH-450 by the way. I'm a Fortetecher under the Gurhal System. She's quite good at making my staves and the occasional gun, but she's thrice that at irritating the hell out of me. She's petite and red-eyed, with the usual black outfit. She keeps it precariously clean, which is why I found it disturbing that her petite sleeves were fried. I rose to a sitting position, running my fingers through my hair and yawning. I scanned the room for explosion marks. Nothing. I then looked out the window. It was the usual beautiful abyss of space, though I caught a glance of one of Moatoob's rings today. Standing and scratching my back, I walked over to start digging clothes out of my closet. The floor was kind of cold, in weird contrast. I had barely pulled my shirt off when Jenna's comment caught up to me.

Eight thousand o'clock. MAN am I late. I turned away from buttoning my Pritia one-piece to study her, smoothing the pale blue fabric against my form. But not too much, clingy is bad when your thighs are the size of Moatoob. As for Jenna, yet another piece of footwear was on her head. Carefully lifting her, I balanced her on my arm and carried her out to my shop, where I placed her on the counter. "Jenna, I'm leaving, but I think…I think I'm gonna bring you to the repair shop." I was ruffling through stocks of Photons and such, locking things up, and various other menial tasks when she went on one of her now legendary tangents.

Scarlet eyes flashed at me. "And what about your business? Hmm? You have to eat. Lord knows GUARDIANS does not pay their officers half as much they should--." Now you may be wondering about Jenna. It's safe to say she isn't the average P.M. To be completely honest I had a friend tweak her. She's just…so much more…fun…now. She was snapping on rather animatedly while I punched in the code into the room-lock, sighing. Padding back into my room, I heard her hop off the counter behind me and follow me back. Yep. So this is every morning.

My name's Lucy Norma Gray. Yeah. That's my name. Quite possibly the most boring in the known universe. I even _look _boring. So…human. The only thing I have going for me is perhaps somewhat-large breasts. But those will probably be at my waist when I'm thirty-five.

We're the most mundane race. We have no originality at all. Even CAST girls have something cool about them. And Beasts are so curvy and adorable. So ever since I was young, I've been completely obsessed with Numans and Neudaiz's culture. The architecture, the festivals, the clothes…and the people themselves. I always feel so envious, looking at the delicate Numan women, with their ivory skin and dark hair, and huge, almond-shaped eyes…Sigh. I shook some coppery hair out of my face, blinking dully at my reflection in the mirror. Yep. I look as unhappy as I feel. Same watery-blue eyes, same blemished skin. I pulled my hair back into its' usual messy bun and shook my bangs out of my face.

"Today, your face surface oil has increased by three point fourteen percent. Please be aware of your diet and exposure to sunlight."

My goodness, could it be…another thing that sucks?

"Also, you received a notice this morning that you should attend to."

This will probably suck, too. I pulled my Flaxo pants on under my skirt, half stumbling towards my viewscreen. I was vaguely aware of Jenna attempting to Nanoblast in the background, pose and all, as I punched the button.

Blah blah blah defenders of the future blah blah blah, Rebels being asses be on alert blah blah…And then!

An assignment! A real one! On Neudaiz! My heart soared. Oh good Maiden, you've finally helped me out, haven't you? I practically danced out of the room towards the door where my ankle boots were waiting, shiny and ready for action. I had laced them and was pulling on my fingerless gloves when there was a loud crash in the background. Jenna had smashed open my storage box with a Photon dagger, and was looking at the contents disdainfully. All of my clothes had spilled out onto the ground, along with a few weapons, some money, and various healing chips that sparkled in the pink lights around my room. Jenna carefully appraised many items. Then, very delicately, she took a boot and put it on her head. I don't even know how it stayed there. She put her hands on her hips.

"Come, mistress! There is winning to be won"!

Sigh. Better deal with this. I scooped her up, much to her protest, and walked out of my room, leaving the mess in my wake.

X X X

Neudaiz was cool, as it was late summer now. The air was pretty warm, yet carried a slight nip to it. The Sakura blossoms were withering now, and drifting down in a sort of dejected way. Jenna took note of this, and of course considered them a bomb threat in her less-than-functional state.

"DUCK AND COVER MISTRESS, JENNA WILL PROTECT YOU"!

I rolled my eyes. "They're Cherry blossoms. Not bombs." She looked to me, then back to the apparent bomb-dropping trees. She had shredded any blossom that dared drift close to us. She had also thought to scorch quite a few of the lovely-colored trees, and spat vehemently while doing so. In my desperation, I lunged and grabbed her, trapping her small arms against her side. "Jenna they ARE NOT BOMBS." She stopped struggling to look up into my eyes with apparent robotic distrust.

"If you say so. Normally I would not rely on an organic life-form for my information. However, I am in a malfunctioning state so I think I—".

I had been struggling with the rampant robot for about two minutes when I felt that creepy "someone-is-watching-you" feeling. That someone was standing ever-so-majestically on the long walkway. His ebony hair was startling contrast to this pink of the Sakura trees. He was not overly tall, and quite lithe. He wore a vest that displayed lean arms, and his hair hung in loose chin-length layers around his face, though a ponytail protruded from the bottom of his hairline. Numan of course, with the tapered ears and dark, almond-shaped eyes. Beautiful, lovely, handsome, perfect, and –

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON."

Apparently really mad at me. Greattttt. So this is what this guy must see: Deranged looking fugly-weird-human girl, holding deranged looking P.M.-with-a-boot-on-her-head. To top this off we are surrounded by damaged foliage, which also happens to be their national treasure.

Oh my God, I think this is third date stuff already. Wonder if he'll let us hold hands in public and get His-and-Her bath towels. YES.

"Uh-um-I'm s-sorry, my P.M. is on t-the fritz, and-", I tried bowing, but I was holding Jenna. It didn't work out.

"OUF GAWD LUCE GET YOUR GIANT BOOBS OFF MY HEAD, MY NECK IS GONNA SNAP OFF." I quickly straightened, completely embarrassed. He was striding towards us rather quickly, with a massively aggressive aura. Oh my Maiden, he's gonna kill us.

This will be the best death I ever asked for.

I always figured it'd be some sort of SEED thingy, or involve alcohol AND a SEED thingy. Not sure which order. Maybe he'll actually strangle me, which involves touching me.

My, that sounds rather depraved and dominatrix-y. Scary. Speaking of scary, back to full grown man storming up to me in a rage. He stopped about two feet in front of me, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glaring down at me from…not much higher actually. Uh. I actually stepped back a bit, my arm still circled around Jenna.

"In the name of the GUARDIANS, The Maiden, and basically everything holy, why are you burning our Sakura trees?"

"I-it's not on purpose. My P.M., she's damaged. Uh. I know someone here who's particularly good here, and I wanted to take her to him!"

It was the truth. Though kind of glossed over. Indeed, the person who had modified Jenna lived here. If I had brought her to the repair station on the colony, who knows how much trouble I could have gotten in. I was also afraid of if they could somehow trace it back to Johnny.

He took a deep breath, and glanced at the damage along the walkway. His tongue flicked out quickly over his lips, and his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. Damn. Numans were so hard to anger, and I had managed to do it in less than three minutes. I saw none of that "charm" now. Mostly "murderous intent".

"Get her under control. I will escort you to your associate's place of work directly."

Not good. "L-listen, I'm so, _so _sorry about the trees. But I need to go alone, he's rather anti-social. And uh—".

His eyebrow rose. "Oh, really? I don't really care so much about your stupid P.M., I just want to make sure you don't run away before you do the proper paperwork."

Before I could talk, Jenna did. "LISTEN YOU FROOFY PANSY PSEUDO-ELF. I AM NOT STUPID, YOU ARE. I WILL KILL YOUR FAMILY, AND EAT YOUR DOG. AFTER THAT I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE ALONG WITH SEVERAL OF YOUR RIDICULOUS PINK TREES, AND DANCE NUDE IN THE ASHES."

Dead silence. The world was melting around my ears. Reality promptly gave out, and my imagination took over with a wry, amused air. Ethan Waber became a math teacher. My real name is Sakurako Angelina Nadesico Theodora Windpipe. Mirei Mikuna was a pro-wrestler, under the name "MAIDEN BOMB".

"ALSO, YOU WILL NOT ADDRESS MISTRESS LUCY IN SUCH A WAY. HAVE AT YOU, WENCH"!

His face was completely blank. It faded from confusion to an odd mix between dejection and rage.

"Lucy, did you say?"

"Yes. How rude of me. I-I'm Luc—".

"Lucy Gray."

"Yeah…," I tilted my head at him, and firmed my group around Jenna. She crossed her arms and grunted. Then realization hit me like a Linear Line shuttle filled with explosives. I saw it coming and I bet you did, too.

"P-partner for today's mission"?

He sighed in complete defeat, his neck and shoulders drooping. My heart broke a bit, I have to admit. I took a deep breath to combat the weight that was pulling my heart into my stomach. He looked back up at me, his black eyes flat. "Sezaburo Yuu, GUARDIANS, Neudaiz Division. I'd like to say pleasure to meet you, however…".

_'Explosion of Cherry blossoms and hatred to meet you'!_ Doesn't sound right. But that'd be far more accurate. My life sucks, my life sucks. I had had romantic visions of perhaps us skipping through the Agata Islands in aforementioned matching towels together for about three seconds. Besides his obvious distaste with my existence, the realization that it was autumn and that would be both cold and kind of bizarre destroyed my fantasy. I must have looked how I felt, because he glanced at me, then Jenna. His lips twitched as if to offer a comforting smile, but it quickly settled back into a hard line. Then said lovely lips shot out a degrading comment.

"Well, I suppose this is only a prelude to our mission then." He shrugged. Ow. My heart.

"And here I heard that you were _quite_ the Fortetecher for a _human_," he practically snarled. Ow. My heart. AND my ego. Double whammy, there. Speaking of my ego. It was bruised. I don't take well to that. My frustration, and my sadness over his mishap of sorts kind of built into a big ball of ANGER. I have a terrible temper. The redhead joke is true, by the way. Wowed by his face as I was, my honor was being threatened. And you thought Jenna was bad. Well, I let loose. I can't quite even describe what exactly I said to him. I think I can surmise to say it frightened him. I think it involved his attitude, Jenna, Sakura trees, weasels, his genitalia, where in the Kego Springs I would hide his body, and a light bulb exploding in his anus. By the end of it, I was redder than usual, and he was paler than usual. Astounding!

"O-of all talk for a lady"! He was livid, obviously. He was starting to flush now, right up to the tips of his ears. Which said something, because they protruded horizontally from his head for a good six inches.

Hee hee. I felt uneasy suddenly. The creepy feeling had returned. And then,

"Ahem."

We had an audience. A rather large audience, actually. Terrible, just terrible. For two GUARDIANS to be seen acting this way in public…I looked over towards Yuu, who must have been thinking roughly the same thing. He caught my eye. Simultaneously, our arms came up behind our heads and we both laughed nervously.

"Pardon..?"

I turned around to find the source of the voice to be a very tall Numan man with extremely long hair. Familiarity shot through me. I looked from him to Yuu, who looked like we were in mortal danger. We actually kind of _were, _in retrospect. I then realized I was standing not even a foot from Izuma Rutsu, Head of the Planetary Spirit himself.

Good Maiden, you've sent one of your _personal _minions after me yourself? I must have REALLY made you mad. Oh God.

He laid a hand on my shoulder, eyes twinkling. "Gray-san, this way if you please."

I nodded, numbly, still clutching Jenna. She was completely silent, eyes fixed in scrutiny at the white form steering me towards the palace. I prayed to anyone, anything, that she wouldn't open her mouth. Or whatever it is she does.

Yuu ghosted alongside me, occasional attempting to use the "if-looks-could-kill" expression. I tried to let it glance off my mental shield, but the whole day had taken its' toll on me already. I felt tears trying to erupt, and bade them down. No, no. I'm twenty, and not a wimp. Tough, like "MAIDEN BOMB". The mental image still stood, and it cheered me somewhat as we were led through the rotating pink arch and into the palace.


	2. Elbow in the Butter

Pride of Sakura

Chapter 2: Elbow in the Butter

AN: Alternatively titled "Gray Lucy no Yuutsu"—I mean OH FU—You didn't see that. Lucy's character is that of a melancholy girl, with secret lakes of energy and insanity. As for the runaway imagination thing, I find it easy to write because I do that myself in real life. Reality kind of implodes in on itself when I'm bored with something, so I substitute my own to make it entertaining. Kekekeke. XD

It's not actually a good habit.

Disclaimer: I OWN PSU. (Gurhal System explodes.) Kay, so maybe I do not.

X X X

Looking back, I wondered how I managed to stand. Trailing behind Izuma Rutsu into the Pagoda of Air would normally have been one of my greatest dreams. Except then it would have been different. I would have been attending a lunch date with The Maiden herself. And Izuma Rutsu would be carrying on about how much she missed me, and how I was welcome any time I liked. Also he'd make a pass at me, perhaps ask me to bear his children. I'd give him a hard time, and then say yes anyway. Nay, instead of innuendo and tea, he was politely telling us off for our conduct.

"I understand Sezaburo-kun's obvious anger at the destruction of our trees, but his reaction was disgraceful," he was saying, leading us through the pristine hallways to what I assumed would be a torture chamber. I looked over at Yuu in triumph. "Although, perhaps Gray-san should have reconsidered bringing her malfunctioning P.M. elsewhere…"

He threw back my own look at me. It was scary. I never realized I could look like such a bitch. We arrived at a little sitting room, and he waved his hand for us to sit. I tried to fold my knees under myself neatly, with my hands folded on my lap. I succeeded, but felt kind of imbalanced. Also I had the suspicious feeling that my thigh-fat was bulging out and overflowing, like a great waterfall of flab down each side of me. I tried to clear the mental image. Jenna stood behind me, hands folded behind her back at full attention. However, she still had the boot on her head, so taking her seriously was still rather difficult. Yuu had folded his long legs under himself in mere moments, and was gazing intently at his leader. I tried to do the same. It was hard. My mind and eyes kept straying to the cascade of hair down his back. I wonder how long it took him to grow that…I also wondered if he had ever slammed it in a door or whipped around really fast, thusly smacking someone in the face with it. Maybe even The Maiden herself?! Oh God, I held my breath and tried stabbing my imagination with _great prejudice_.

"Well, I'm glad I could find you two so easily, then," he smiled easily, eyes twinkling. I found myself completely seduced by his gentle voice. I knew now why so many people said he was easy to talk to. I hoped that maybe this meeting would help stay the steady sinking feeling in my chest, instead of worsening it. I managed to bow my head and apologize, to my complete surprise.

"I'm ever so sorry. It was wrong of me, and I shouldn't have chewed Sezaburo out—I mean raised my voice to him." I took a deep breath and looked up. He nodded his head, and then looked to Yuu. The Numan almost rolled his eyes, but managed to apologize himself.

"I should have shown more compassion towards Gray-san, and should not have raised my voice to a lady." He didn't conceal the sigh at the end, however. The Minister gave him a stern look that sent Yuu into complete paralysis, and then turned his attention back to me. Oh, crap.

"Yours and Sezaburo-kun's mission is to clear the Mizuraki C.D. of harmful wildlife. This is a standard procedure mission. However, the creatures there are far more dangerous than you encountered in your training."

I had a sudden flashback of Laia Martinez yelling at me about stepping on flowers. It then spun to me making a comment about her wanting to get in a married man's pants. She chased me with that spear all the way up the hill…Then there was with Hyuga Ryght, who kept starring at my breasts. Then after him, I trained with Leogini Swakakbaka-Berabubua-I'm-Not-Even-Gonna-Try, whatever his face was. He seemed to weave in and out of the shadows somehow. One minute he wasn't there, and the next he was standing directly behind me, making some booming comment of happiness. You'd think it'd be hard to loose a six-foot-five beast in bright red, but I'm talented at things like that. He was also a closet Shifta addict. He doesn't get buffed enough or something. He did some sort of little dance every time I used one of those techs.

"Can't possibly be worse than my first run there…," I mumbled. He tilted his head and smiled at me in a questioning sort of way. Uh. COVER, COVER NOW. "O-oh pardon. It's just that the first time I went to the Conservation District, I uh…ended up fighting a Tengogh, and it was pretty traumatic…?" That Tengogh happened to be a blonde beast with a spear that seriously needed anti-anxiety meds, but I decided not to go into that little detail.

His smile faltered, and he looked concerned. FOR MOI? Astounding. "My, how dreadful."

"Lucky for me my instructor is a very skilled woman." Skilled in the art of Unrequited Horny-ness and taking it out on other people. By that I don't mean in the pleasant sexual way. Not that I would ever know, by the way. In my opinion it looks kind of gross and unsatisfying. But yeah, anything and everything with her results in PHYSICAL VIOLENCE.

He nodded. "Indeed. I hope things will go far more smoothly this time. Because, unfortunately, the Tengoghs have become a bigger problem than usual. Sezaburo-kun is quite the marksman, and especially good at taking those creatures down. As for you, I will trust you to support him and provide back-up damage."

I nodded, and so did Yuu to my right. "I shall request that you leave as soon as your get your P.M. fixed…"

Jenna tilted her head at him. "Only as soon as you get a haircut."

Silence. Dreadful silence. I did like my therapist said, and tried to visualize positive solutions to the current dilemma. In my head, Neudaiz imploded on itself, silently and instantly. That solved the problem! But nay, perhaps the planet could stay intact after all. He laughed, and picked up a long strand.

"Oh? Does it need a trim?"

"The ends are slightly frayed. Trimming is for both health and appearance. I recommend doing it within approximately thirty-seven hours, at your rate of growth." She said this quite calmly, stepping forward to place her hand on my shoulder. "Now Mistress, I believe Master Rutsu has given you the task of putting my face back together."

Yuu's shoulders were shaking with barely-hidden laughter, but he cleared his throat. I prayed I wasn't as pink as I felt. I'm so used to embarrassment that I can actually _feel _when my face is turning red. It's rather unpleasant, like perhaps a deadly virus creeping onto your cheeks, and everyone can tell.

X X X

Going outside was a great relief, understandably. I still didn't feel so great. Blowing it with Yuu was disappointing, deeply so. I finally get to spend a bunch of time with a Numan, on Neudaiz. He's particularly cute too, and my partner. So of course I make him hate me. Yuu walked ahead of me, eyes scanning the perimeter. It was rather awkward. Half of me wanted to remain in this weird silence. If we act like it's resolved, we can act like it didn't happen. But that was sort of bad as well, because then my imagination took over trying to figure out whatever he was thinking. That's never good, as you've certainly learned by now. The other half of me was perfectly content to wait until we were in some sort of secluded clearing, and then take out one of my biggest staves, and just starting wailing on his spine with it. Screw TECHNICS, I say. I kept myself content with this mental image while I treaded the familiar path to my "Johnny's" place of residence. Yuu was silent the whole time, unquestioning of my directions. When we were finally close, I uttered the one sentence that was hopefully guaranteed to save both of our lives.

"If she offers you any food, say we've just eaten. In grotesque proportions."

"She?" He gave me a dark look, and then smirked. CRAP. I forgot. I've known him for barely two hours, but I've already figured out he's the sort of asshole that you have to use reverse psychology on. I steeled myself as we walked up the front steps. Of course, she through open the door as soon as I got near it, thusly nearly knocking me down the steps.

"Luce, I missed you"! Said Numan cried, and was immediately buried in the biggest boobs this century.

"Hi, --aya," I said, or attempted to say. She let me go, smiling at me and beckoning for me to come in.

"Come on, come on. I'll make you some tea."

That sounded safe. I walked in, while Yuu starred in wonder at her. Yea, she has that effect on males. Jenna bowed and then strolled in. One of Maya's neatly plucked eyebrows went up. "I guess I have some work to do." Yes, Maya Shidow. She's an old friend of mine. We were in training together. She likes to tweak P.M.s under the codename "Johnny."

Jenna put her hands on her little hips, and looked way up at Maya. "Yes! Also, allow me to sample your shoe closet. Mistress's is quite unsatisfactory. She has no sense of feminine pride," she whined, and set to making herself at home.

Maya turned to Yuu. "Ah, hello! Lucy's partner?"

"Ah, yes." He bowed. "Sezaburo Yuu, at your service."

I sighed, feeling more depressed than usual. Which said something. I desperately wished that someone could faun over me, even just a little bit. I knew deep down it was a superficial, stupid, wish. But I wanted it. No matter what I did, though, I couldn't muster any ill will towards Maya. Her giant chest had weaseled us out of some insane situations before.

Maya giggled. "Aw, good for Lucy." She then jostled off humming to prepare tea before I could question her exact meaning, and how she wanted me to kill her. "Sit down"! She ordered from the other room. I sat down at the table, mindlessly smoothing my hair. Yuu gave me a weird look.

"Interesting choice of friends, Gray-san."

"Call me Lucy, and shut up about Maya. She's awesome," I said.

"How informal. I request you call me Sezabu—".

"Shut up, Yuu-_pii_," I said in exact unison with Maya, who was standing over him smiling in a creepy way. She put down the kettle and cups, then gracefully settled herself next to my partner. He looked rather embarrassed, but chose to glower at me. It was rather cute. His black eyes narrowed, and his bottom lipped popped out a bit. You _know _you're depraved when someone is death-glaring you, and _all_ you can think about is how cute their face is while they do it. Maya poured the tea, chatting idly about work and her beloved Photons. Meanwhile, I thought of ways to try and remedy the bond between Yuu and I. I wasn't coming up with much, except plotting to steal memory erasing drugs. I guess the matching towels thing was really going to be a no-no. I sighed.

"So, I guess you're here on business, huh?" Maya giggled, looking at the boot on Jenna's head.

"Yeah…she took some damage a couple days back. The boot thing just started today, though," I mumbled. "Her logic drive is shot to bits, too."

Maya did the "tut-tut" thing, waving her finger. Jenna put her hands on the table. "Rutsu-sama has requested that I be fixed, so Mistress and Angry Numan Master can continue with their mission."

The scientist tilted her head. "Rutsu-sama? You visited Rutsu-sama?"

"Yes. He needs a haircut. BADLY."

I put my head down on the table, ignoring Jenna's comment. "More like we had a time out with him."

She sighed, and took off her glasses to rub them clean on the tablecloth. "Oh, dear. Well. I'll call you later for all the details."

I nodded, attempting to count the stitches in the cloth. It was a far better task then trying to look Yuu in the eye. I decided I better anyway. Looking up was a mistake. Seeing Maya and Yuu there made me even sadder. They were so picturesque sitting there together, so fair-skinned. Yuu's eyes were so dark you can't even see the pupil. Both of them were so beautiful, and I was so…

"Lucy, your elbow is in the butter."

Yea, that sentence basically completes me. "Speaking of butter…" Yuu started. Oh God. ASSHOLE. My thoughts of trying to make up with him were quickly being smashed to bits. "I'm starving."

"Oh? Well that works out, actually. Want to try something I made myself?"

"Certainly," he smiled, all charm.

"Great!" She literally bounced off her chair, and ran into the other room. He turned to me, grinning. Sezaburo looked completely sadistic. It was kind of hot, but mostly terrifying. I quickly ran through my head, looking for excuses. Stomach virus, lack of taste buds due to 3rd degree burn, anything. I then thought of Maya's personality, and settled on the oldest excuse in the book.

"So, I guess we shall see about—".

"YOU can---enjoy it," I grinned as Maya skipped back into the room, carrying a plate full of what looked suspiciously like mud bricks.

"Enjoy!" She clapped, then looked to me. "Not hungry, Luce?"

"Oh, me?" I fluffed my bun, then tried to look demure. "Diet," I pseudo-whispered. Haha. Like I would ever go on a diet. MAIDEN BOMB would be on tour by then. I literally had a fully grown male Beast comment on how much I can eat. He was deeply impressed.

She nodded. "Yea, they're pretty high-cal," she sighed. "More tea?"

I nodded and smiled directly at Yuu, who had bitten down. The green staining his cheeks brought out the colors on his vest so well.

"Master Ears, you should seek a lavatory immediately," Jenna piped in. I sipped my tea, still grinning at him.

Victory. Flawless, I might add. Then why did it feel so empty?


	3. Government Appointed Best Friend

Pride of Sakura

Chapter 3: Government-Appointed Best Friend

AN: :D And the doom train rolls anew~ TENBLASSSSSSTTT! (cue a lot of light and multifarious explosions, but when the smoke clears, nothing has happened and I have been defeated by a swarm of random Mormons) Also new character. YEY.

Disclaimer: I honestly do not own PSU.

X x X

I walked in silence alongside my partner, who was both silent and mortified. The green hue had faded from his face, but it was still ashen and his eyes were a bit glossy for my taste. I pondered asking him if he was alright, but figured that would be salt in the wound. So I stretched, straightening my collar and coughing.

The Mizuraki Conservation District was awash in the usual red-orange hues, the crisp smell of decay, and crimson leaves flying anywhere and everywhere. They particularly liked getting caught in my hair, I noticed. It was mildly irritating. At one point when a strong gust of wind blew in our faces, I swore the leaves had intelligence and were strategically bombing my eyes. I was picking about eighty-million petals out of my eyelashes when Yuu raised a hand in the "stop" gesture. I did so, still mumbling and pulling leaves.

"This is about where things can get truly dangerous, Gray-san," the Neudaiz native said, his voice serious. "Gohmons and Agetas are cake compared to the droves of Tengoghs ahead. Pick them off A.S.A.P. We'll work on separate targets."

I nodded, summoning my stave and trying to avoid thoughts of delicious cake. It dwarfed me by just a bit, glowing mint-green in the fading sunlight. Black eyes focused closely on my as I raised the staff above my head and brought it down, calling the necessary elements for the buffing Technics.

He flexed his fingertips. "This is good…" he mumbled, summoning his rifle. "It's somewhat hard to believe you're human."

My face turned completely pink, deadly virus like it was. "I-I've been doing it a while now, especially buffing. I had lots of friends who helped me out," I said, drawing out my other wand. It crackled with ice energy, cool and waiting in my hand. What I did not tell him was that my "friends" were really a bunch of drunk guys at a bar. I had stood behind the half passed-out mass and just casted Shifta and such over and over until the sound made the not-so-drunk denizens insane, and I was kicked out on my rather large ass. Also it caused buffed-up bar fights. None the less, I thought it was a genius plan to advance my Technics, and it had gotten the job done. I still gave myself an inner pat on the back, even to this day.

"You must have nice friends," he said softly, positioning his rifle in a comfortable way. He shook his head until the goggles strapped up there fell onto his face.

Impressed by his overall coolness, I opened my mouth to say something thoughtful and kind in return, but Jenna ruined it, as this was her job.

"ADORABLE OF YOU TO THINK SHE HAS FRIENDS. MOST OF HER OFF TIME IS SPENT DEVOURING ICE CREAM AND CRYING ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE ANY COMPANIONS. I AM PROBABLY HER ONLY FRIEND AND I AM OBLIGATED TO DO SO BY THE GOVERNMENT. OTHERWISE I'D PROBABLY LEAVE HER, TO BE HONEST. SAD, YES?"

She may be fixed, but she was still Jenna. I put my hand on my forehead, still charging ahead. She was right, in a way. Government Appointed Best Friend. Oy…

The Numan paused to look over at the petite CAST, and then looked to me, his expression unreadable. I sighed, looking at Yuu. "Uhh," I said intelligently, and then noted the fact that one of his goggle straps was sort of caught in his hair. Without thinking, I reached forwards and fixed it. He stared, ebony eyes wide.

OH, SHIT. For some reason, I just got the mental image of him turning into a Tengogh and eating me. '_By the way,'_ he would say menacingly, cheesy horror movie music wailing in the background, shifting into a weird shape with fangs coming out of his nostrils, _'Numans have the latent ability 'Tenblast'. It's for dealing with pesky humans, and tourists.' _He would continue to change menacingly, but add an afterthought_. 'But don't tell the Beasts, copyright infringement and all', _he'd say as he finished sprouting wings and giant claws.He'd flash large pointy teeth. _'Anyway, time to get gutted. Let's go. If you struggle too much, I'll be late for MAIDEN BOMB'S show.' _I let out a blood curdling scream due to my own overactive imagination, and he looked at me in alarm. Seeing his confused expression, I laughed nervously and took a good smack at my boob. "Spider in my bra," I said sweetly.

"Very…well?" he said with great incredulity, balancing his rifle against his chest to touch the place I just had on his shiny black head. Seeing it satisfactory, he pointed ahead. "The first is coming, be ready," he warned. I squinted at where he was pointing. I couldn't see shit, to be honest. Stupid miracles of bioengineering. Then!

"Oh, the flying…thing," I noted wisely, raising my staff. It approached until the point where I could see the glow of its' eyes when Yuu got down on one knee and started shooting. To be honest, I was really impressed. He was a completely different person with a gun in his hands. Poised and dangerous, yet incredibly at ease. The recoil barely moved him as he shot. The Tengogh screeched and fell some twenty feet away, crumpled in a quiet heap. I was still fixated on him, watching his breath synced with every shot. Adjust, breathe, shoot, adjust, breathe, shoot. Spellbinding.

Oops, I hadn't done anything to the Tengogh. Cue fury…

"Lucy."

Now.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING?"

"You have long eyelashes," I whined like that was an explanation, then turned and marched ahead.

"Good explanation there, Forteuseless," Jenna piped in. I sighed, and kept walking, eyes on the sky. Yuu seethed behind me.

"Another approaches," he warned in semi-monotone. "Ready this time?"

"Yea bi—Yes," I said, composing myself. I held my stuff above my head, and pictured the blue comet in my head. It flew true, and hit the approaching beast right in the face.

"BUA HA HA HA! Jenna will aid you!" The poor Tengogh got ice-faced yet again, until it too, was silent. I turned back to the Numan who wanted to flush my head down the toilet. He tilted his head at me, which was rather adorable due to the length of his ears. His face lit into a smile. A SMILE.

"Good aim, Gray-san," he smiled. My mouth hung open.

"You will catch flies, should your mouth remain like that. Or spiders. You don't need mouth spiders ON TOP OF boob spiders." Jenna loved to ruin moments.

"T-thanks, you as well," I said, and then kept my eyes on the sky.

"Or maybe instead of insects, you could lure Tengoghs. In fact, yes. Do that. Stand on a hill with your mouth open," she continued, obviously displeased with not having managed to hurt my feelings for once.

Things, for about two hours, passed in peace. Well, as peaceful as it can get when you're fighting giant carnivorous bats that sound mysteriously like cows in the middle of the night. In its own way, though, it was exhilarating. The sounds of wind and footsteps, our own breath as we ghosted along the hills under the Mizuraki trees. It was warm out, with a nice breeze at our backs. I was under the foolish impression that things were going to go completely well from this point on.

Wrong, of course. Recently I have developed a theory that the reason my breasts are so large is because they are filled with misfortune.

"Three at once, Gray-san," Yuu said as he went down on one knee, then thought against it. I gripped my staff. In truth, I was a little tired. Even in its esoteric fun, I could feel the pull of the Technics draining me. I really wanted to sit down.

But alas, this of course when we ran into the Onmagoug.

The words "HOLY CRAP"! couldn't even truly summarize my feelings, but I let them loose none the less. Yuu said nothing, his mouth a grim line as we edged away. The former three Tengoghs had been disposed of. We had only just noticed that there was a mass of about eleven in front of us, circling something. This should be fabulous.

"I didn't expect to meet the Onmagoug here," he said honestly. "I don't really know if we should back up, or try to take it down."

"I think…I think H.Q. would rather have us alive…" I whispered, feeling like a coward. Well, it was true! I'd be dead and Laia would still mark it as an absence misdemeanor. "My record…", I mumbled. Yet another strange look for the gunner, and then he resumed looking panic stricken.

"You-you're right. Let's back out. There's no way they can expect us to fight this thing, it's….it's…".

"Like MAIDEN BOMB on steroids, five angry beasts Nanoblasting on you in a bar not that I'm speaking from experience, and basically a giant pillar of annoying death that comes screaming up from hell to grab you in the ass?"

"Who is Maiden Bomb and why do I suddenly want to put her name in all caps?" Jenna asked. "Is she a wrestler? And that time in Moatoob was your own fault, you shouldn't have pointed out that your breasts were bigger than every other woman's in the bar simply because you overheard them talking about it."

"Y-Yes, roughly." He sighed, ignoring Jenna and I like a pro. "Alright, let's just back up."

"Affirmative," Jenna said, then proceeded to scream. "BACK UP! BACK THE HELL UP!"

Of course, every beast in the distance turned to us, swooping down from the night sky. Great.

"Kami-sama…" Yuu grunted, grabbing my wrist. I spun in the fabulous forced sort of way, and then ran like hell. Jenna followed suite, screaming all the gory details of what would happen if we didn't get out in time. Yuu held his rifle with his free hand, turning every few seconds to take a couple shots. Many missed, but of course quite a few hit. Four Tengoghs had fallen, and three more were flying in circles like wounded idiots when we approached a clearing. I had a good mindset to kill Jenna already, tears of anger stinging my eyes as we loped through the C.D.

"Ahead, there's a cave! We'll hide there, they can't fit. Once it's daylight they leave no matter what," Yuu said, grip on my wrist still painfully tight. I nodded, gulping and looking over my shoulder. Jenna was fine, not nearly tired after her complimentary full charge at Maya's.

"There!" I cried, pointing to our salvation. Thirty feet, twenty-five…my lungs were burning. But so close. It seemed we had achieved victory, when of course something terrible happened. There was a roar so loud my ears literally rang, temples vibrating in even the aftershock. The Onmagoug had landed directly behind us, flapping its massive wings.

I went sailing head over heels in the resulting gust of wind, Yuu's grip on my wrist breaking. Needless to say I screamed. I hit the ground with a painful _oomf _that knocked the air out of my lungs. Jenna cried in anger from somewhere to my right. I scrambled back up, clenching my stomach in one hand and my staff in the other. Yuu was motionless to my left. My heart froze. Oh God, Numans are so physically delicate that the impact may have…

I needed to act quickly, though. Resta didn't work on corpses. My own thoughts made me cringe, but I moved towards him anyway, looking back and forth between the Onmagoug and my fallen partner. Jenna glided to my side, her own wand in hand.

It watched us, a low growl building in its' throat. Okay Luce, think, think…What did the Guardians manual say about this?

I did not have time to access that whole personal data thing, because the winged giant took the opportunity to lunge, knocking Jenna a clean ten feet. She flew and landed on her back, and was still, too. My blood was rushing in my ears. What now, what now…My nightmares were promptly becoming reality, only I was clothed and without lobsters in specific locations of my body.

I held my stave up in defense, praying for my line shield to guard me. Or something. ANY sort of random event that would save me. Instead, there was another roar, one that almost outdid the Onmagoug's.

You know, Divine People, by "random event" I did not mean "more monsters". Please work on your phrasing, or listening. I realized this was probably in my own hands, and if I wanted to save my friends or at least go down honorably, I'd have to fight. I bolted for Yuu's prone form, holding my staff out. I'd go down protecting him, really, I would. It sounded terribly romantic but in truth I was near tears. I made plans, quickly and grimly. If it got truly hopeless I'd save just enough energy for one last fire spell. I would _not _give the bastard monster the satisfaction of eating us.

Another roar shook my ribs, this time approaching from the right. I turned just in time to see…something—And then turned just in time to see the Onmagoug's wing heading for me. I _felt _my rib break as it hid, a sickening crack that echoed to the stars. There was another roar, and I was again thrown by the gust of wind from twenty-foot wings. There was an odd eternity as I was airborne for what felt like the eightieth time in ten minutes. It was okay, though. Things were getting soft and dark. I figured this was just my organs shutting down, nothing to be particularly worried about. I was then hit by something else. In my haze of pain and fog I screamed and struggled against whatever else had me, arm around my waist. A growl rumbled from somewhere above, and I managed to beat my fists against…something? I realized that whatever holding me was warm and sort of fuzzy-tickly, but most importantly not eating me. Growling yes, and something was on my head, also warm.

Such a dramatic improvement. I squinted from an odd brightness, and things seemed to go sort of downwards.

Hushing me. Who was hushing me? My hair was being petted.

"Oh." I said aloud, still sinking to the dark.

"Yeah, 'Oh'," a male voice laughed. "You should be nicer to people who save you."

"Who… died and… made YOU King Bitch?" I somewhat slurred, still unable to open my eyes. My head was on something warm and I could feel myself moving, so I didn't care.

Then. Black eyes, and a terrible temper. Who…?

"Yu…u," I mumbled.

"If yer talkin' about the Numan, he's fine. So's yer dolly. And you will be too, once we get you to Ohtoku." I could hear the hum of an engine. A G-Flyer?

"Ah…please hit the doll for me…", I sighed, and let myself fall into the peace that was oblivion.

AN: Wah la la.


	4. Lucy in La La Land

Pride of Sakura

Chapter 4 – Lucy in La La Land

AN: My brother got mad at me for calling him fat, so he put on the waterworks and told dad I beat him up when I hadn't even left the kitchen. Sigh. So my dad has now taken to hiding my laptop during the day. XD;

Anyway, I just purchased the FFX Piano Collection using his VISA, so I'm feeling slightly better. And good lord, I love Uematsu. Especially Tidus's Theme and Besaid.

Disclaimer: Don't own Alice in Wonderland, or PSU. But I do own Lucy, and Yuu, and this story, also the lamp on my computer table, this orange soda…

X x X

Once again, I was dreaming. I was sitting under a tree, in a shade-dappled clearing…somewhere. The grass was damp-feeling through the patterned blanket, and the air springy. It smelled like damp earth, just after a rain fall. Gray yet cheery sunlight streamed through the branches overhead. I squinted into it, taking in a deep breath. Have I died?

I was having a picnic for some odd reason, with Jenna, Yuu, and The Maiden. Well, MAIDEN BOMB. She was ever-so-elegantly sipping tea in a bright purple leotard, with star-shaped sunglasses and her endless violet hair pulled up into somewhat ridiculous pigtails. The words "RELIGION WOT" were stamped across her chest in equally sparkly letters. Oh and she was wearing white knee-high go-go boots. Sigh.

"Oh my, I do hope my contract goes through," she sighed sweetly. "For you see, I am next scheduled to duel against Maaya Shidow. Her wrestling title is "The Suffocater". That sounds unpleasant. I wonder what she does..?"

I sputtered, and coughed up some tea. She blinked at me. Jenna looked disdainful and muttered something about more sandwiches.

Yuu sighed to my right, fully adorned in a crimson dress suit and large white rabbit ears. I noticed at this point I was in a lovely blue dress. The Numan pulled a clock out of some mysterious place in his shirt, and squinted at it. "You're late, Gray."

Shoveling a sandwich down my throat, I asked, "For what?"

"Being awake."

Jenna said charmingly, "As usual. Lucy being on time would be like Beasts not being violent, horny alcoholics."

Sigh. Mirei let out a startled oh-the-political-jab gasp, and Yuu just rolled his eyes. "Anyway," he sighed "You'd best move along, human. No telling when the Red Queen will show up."

"The Red Queen can find the most sarcastic, fat part of my ass and lay a long, drawn-out kiss upon it." I really meant what I said. I was having a nice time. Yuu looked super handsome, and Jenna was being mostly amiable.

"OH REALLLY?" A shrill yet masculine voice called out from behind me. I turned just in time to see a Nanoblasted (male) Beast behind me, all red in a gaudy cross between lingerie and a ball gown. It may have been lovely except the beast's barrel-chested-ness kind of ruined it. "Who dares overstay their welcome in my Kingdom of Lack of Reality and Ridiculous Ninny Outfits?!"

What…the…--

I got paw-smashed about ten feet. It hurt. A lot. In fact, it hurt everywhere, just about. Especially my chest. I stumbled up, brushing leaves off my dress. Pain, in a dream?

"WHY YOU TEN FOOT PIECE OF NOTHING! PIGFACE PSYCHOPOMP!"

Yuu didn't move, and neither did MAIDEN BOMB, who was currently having a glaring match over the last egg salad sandwich with everyone's favorite PM.

"Pigface--wha?" The Red Queen…King…Queen asked. Even my insults were getting stranger. I marched toward him. Hey, it was a dream right.

"I have the feeling I am going to wake up soon anyway," I sighed. Yuu looked up at me, his rabbit ears brushing the front of my apron. "Four eared weirdo."

He shrugged. I took the opportunity to lean down quickly and pull his pointy Numan ears, placing a swift kiss on his forehead. His eyes went huge, absolutely. I expected The Usual Rage after, but instead he just looked straight ahead. "Thank you."

"Huh? Fo—".

I got paw-smacked again. "NONE OF THIS IN MY WORLD!" I flew backwards into…into a…? Everything went fuzzy, and I could barely make out Jenna and MAIDEN BOMB in a death match as it all faded.

When I came to, it was rather like perhaps attempting to head-butt a tree. It was difficult, and felt somewhat splintery. I gasped for breath for a moment, panic stirring in my chest, until I realized I was fine and just being a pansy. Voices floated through my head, half-there. I tried moving. It worked!

I got in trouble for it, though.

"Please do not attempt to move, Gray-san," a voice said, putting pressure against my chest.

My chest? "Don't struggle," I said wearily, "If you struggle, my boobs act like quicksand and you'll get stuck." I was in pain, and my odd dream was still weighing heavily upon my mind. I will never be able to look at a male Beast the same way, ever.

"Um…". I blinked, focusing on whoever was getting their jollies. It was a Numan with a mask.

"The Communion…?" I asked, and then hissed. Breathing hurt. Broken ribs will do that.

"Yes. I'd ask that you remain still, please. You broke your rib and sprained you right arm. I'm almost done."

"Gomen," I apologized, praying I got the pronunciation right. So that explains the pain I felt in the dream glade. I could feel his Technic weaving my bones back together. It was an odd sensation, and felt different than my own. Mine was human, that was why, I realized. Whereas mine was a sort of bubbly, cheery feeling, Numan Resta felt different, like it went all the way to the core. I was envious.

"Quite alright."

"May I badger you with questions?"

"Certainly."

Wow, I liked this person. "Is Yuu okay?"

"He is still unconscious, though he is well," he said, taking his hand off my chest. "He just needs rest. The blow to the head was quite severe, but he's been treated and there will be miniscule to no lasting damage."

I sighed in relief. No pain. This guy is good. I rose to a sitting position. "Thanks, you did a great job."

"You are welcome, Guardian," he said, rising from a crouch. "Though, you really should thank Ankh. He's the one who rescued you and Sezaburo-san."

"Ankh…? Oh!"

"What is with you and that word?" A male voice asked from behind me. I turned, praying he wasn't in a dress. He was not. "Every little thing results in 'Oh!' with you." The voice did indeed belong to a male beast, just as I suspected. Though, when I first met him he was Nanoblasted. The common trait of that was being large, red, fury, and ferociously maiming some unfortunate thing, so it was hard to differentiate otherwise. "You alright?" He crouched next to my tatami mat.

"Y-yes. Thank you for saving me," I smiled at him.

"No prob. Big thanks to Hoshizora here for healing ya, too."

The Numan bowed. "Not a problem, Rutsu-sama asked me personally. And if you'll excuse me…". The Numan left, and I was alone with Ankh and an unconscious Yuu. He was on a mat like mine in the corner. I couldn't see him up close, but I was already rubbing my hands together for extra healing. Anything.

I turned my attention back to Ankh, who had been looking at my fallen partner too. "He'll be okay. Numans are just a li'l delicate, is all."

I nodded. "Yeah…my teachers for most of my training were Beasts. Both times. So I guess I kind of forgot that you guys tend to take a lot of crap before you even say anything."

Ankh did a booming laugh, and put his hand on my shoulder. I nearly collapsed under the weight. His hand was the size of a dinner plate. He was extremely tall and tan like most of his kind, with big triangular droopy dog ears the same pale-blonde as his hair. His eyes were cherry red. Why did he sound like a Fruit Cup now? Ah, no wonder. I'm starving.

Haha. Fruit Cup Ankh is his new codename now. At least in my head. Telling him would probably result in physical violence that I am not equipped to deal with.

"Yeah, we sure can. Speaking of delicate, you should be careful, too. No offense, but humans shouldn't go toe-to-toe with the Onmagoug without serious planning. Especially little girls." He grinned rather toothily, temporarily scaring the God-fearing crap out of me.

"I'll have you know I'm twenty, ma'am. And extremely spiteful."

Just so it's out in the open. He raised an eyebrow.

"I am beginning to detect that. Apparently I'm _King Bitch_?"

More than he'll ever know.

Oh. Um. "Sorry about that," I said honestly. "I was kind of in a mood?"

Ankh shrugged.

"Good friend of mine once said _'It's hard to be nice to someone when you're bleeding to death'_" I laughed nervously, hoping he didn't somehow know I was a social leper due to my standoffish nature and insane lolibot. He smiled at me, all cheer. Beasts were hard to predict. One minute you were hanging out with them, having a beer, and then you happen to mention they have a hangnail. They will then take this for something like 'I slept with your wife', and flip a table over on you. Again, not that I'm speaking from experience.

I took a look around the room for anything heavy he could use to crush my ribs. Nothing. Fewf. Speaking of the room…

"Where am I?"

"Ohtoku, the Pagoda of Air. You've been out a good three or four hours. Rutsu took you in himself, since you were on a special mission anyway."

I smacked my hand to my forehead. That's right! I was so worried about Yuu and matching bath towels that I hadn't even thought it funny that Rutsu-sama was briefing us himself. I put both hands on the ground, bracing myself as I looked around again. It was a deep red color, with purple carpets dusted in an elegant white pattern. I let out a sigh. So…perfect. I tried to summon up my Powers of Fruitless Fantasizing, and imagined myself discussing something girly and sweet with Mirei Mikuna. Perhaps maybe the best ways to be subtly seductive, like accidentally crashing into the person you fancy over and over, only to fall down melodramatically in a cute pose, complete with a panty shot. Wait. That was hardly girly, mostly idiotic. Also, why is everything with me about boobs and stuff lately? I looked down at mine. They were there; even if I squinted and willed they sort of fall off in the shower one morning. The Beast sitting in front of me followed my gaze. It went straight back up. Oh yeah, him. Oh yeah, Guardians. Oh yeah, Gurhal.

"I wonder why it was special…"

Ankh shrugged, taking his hand off my shoulder and settling onto the ground, one knee up. His legs were extremely long. One went completely over my mat. Holy crap? "I was actually just out there to make a little money, clearing shit out of the C.D. Saw the Onmagoug fly off real sudden, and figured it was bad, so I Nano'd and came as fast as I could."

I nodded. "Good thing you did. Yuu and I would be toast at this point."

Literally.

Yuu and…."Ah! Where's Jenna?!"

He blinked. "Dolly's bein' fixed. She's fine. Core wasn't damaged or something. Some Numan chick's here." He scratched his head. "She's got the biggest—"

"Yea, I know. I always wondered that if she stood in front of the sun for a few hours if the planet's temperature would decrease dramatically."

He snorted, obviously trying to keep his composure. "Anyway, I really screwed up." I looked down, trying to fight back the tears that were stinging the corners of my eyes. "Looking back, there are so many things I could have done better. And I was terrible to you, too…" I buried my hands in my face. He patted my head. I could tell, because it nearly broke my neck. I randomly yearned to be back in the clearing in a froofy outfit, wrestling a Drag Queen.

"Hey, hey. That was a terrible situation. And besides, you cleared out more Tengoghs than you were expected to anyway." He said softly. "All in all, the mission is still viewed as a success. Not much we can do about the Onmagoug. No matter how many times we take it down, another one comes back."

I nodded, the familiar numbness pulling on my chest. "I was afraid Yuu was dead, too. Jenna's a bit tougher. But the way he hit the roc—" My voice broke. Since when was I this girly? Something about Ankh made me girly. His friendly, big-brother air made me very open. I have no siblings, something I always wish I had, like every only child. He patted my hair again. I stood, and walked towards Yuu. He rose behind me, quickly.

"Hey, take it easy. You're barely okay yourself." I heard him say as I knelt by the Numan. He was still unconscious, eyes closed and lips slightly open. Again, I was struck at the contrast of his eyelashes to his skin. I tried to clear the dream out of my head yet again, praying I wasn't as pink as I _felt. _I also felt the urge to scream at God for giving men longer eyelashes than women. That was a daily event, by the way. Men also have seemingly better butts, too. I put two hands on his head and closed my eyes, summoning light photons. Ankh said something behind me, I'm not sure what. It could have been about dancing magical potatoes from the Abaddon, and I wouldn't have cared. I could feel the mild jars in his head where damage still lingered. But no, that wasn't the problem. That would give most people a headache, nothing more. So…so what was that was missed?

Ping.

"Found it!" I cried in joy. "Yo Fruit Cup, can you help me turn him on his side for a second? I need to do eerie things to his spine."

"Fruit Cup, whose Fruit Cup? And his spine?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but it closed in complete shock. On my tongue. Ow.

"…Fruit…Cup? My. That's an interesting nickname."

I whirled, my eyes wide. Oh my sweet Pro-Wrestling Numan Maiden, Izuma Rutsu has managed to ninja up on me twice in one day. "U-Um…"

He said nothing else, gliding beside me to kneel. There was a _swish _of white fabric, and we were brushing elbows. My elbows were not worthy, I wanted to tell him, but could not form words. "I will hold him, if you would like to proceed with the healing, Gray-san," he smiled gently. I somewhat-cursed him for throwing off my concentration, and closed my eyes again. Taking a deep breath and praying the two men in the room wouldn't think (rather, figure out) that I was a pervert, I ran my hands long Yuu's back. First thing I noticed was the fact that someone needed to shovel food into his mouth, and the second thing I found was the _ping. _That's all it was.

Just barely there, there was something off in the upper half of his spine. I filled my lungs with air again, and exhaled as I let the Technic flow through my palms. Drained completely, I opened my eyes. The minister glanced at me, and gently let Yuu back down. Still, he did not stir. My heart was practically in the basement at this point. Now I had made a fool of myself in front of two people I barely knew, too. GREAT. Coming up next will be bad breath, baby pictures, and accidental nipple shots, I'm sure. Just when I was wondering how quickly I would die if I threw myself out an airlock, Yuu moved. Relief spread through me instantly, warm and fulfilling, like having just beat someone up for calling you a name in grade school. I looped my arms around his neck, not caring that I was probably going to get yelled at. Also it resulted in Rutsu-sama getting a face full of enormous Lucy butt, but I was really past common sense at the very moment.

And not just moved, insulted me!

"Get…off…me…you…SMELL…TERRIBLE…" He sat up, glaring at me and smoothing hair out of his face, oblivious to Ankh and Izuma. "Like-like body odor and cheap body spray!"

Angry now, I let go. "Like YOU smell any BETTER? It smells like you held up a septic truck and ate the whole thing!"

"WHY WOULD I EAT A SEPTIC TRUCK?"

"DON'T ASK ME, YOU'RE THE ONE WHOSE THE FREAK, FREAK."

It back and forth like this for a bit of course, until I got hit in the back of the head with a shoe. The one Jenna had brought earlier. I turned around to see her in the doorway, Maaya behind her. Her form blotted out all light.

"Ahh, thank goodness you're okay!" I released Yuu and ran to Jenna. She allowed me to crush her in a hug. I don't know who else gets this excited over their PM, but I don't think anyone else's has this much of a personality. "Thanks, Maaya," I sighed, putting Jenna down. The Numan gave me a somewhat half-assed salute.

"No problem. Glad to see you're all okay, and healthy enough to rip each other's faces off."

"I will always be prepared for attempts of character assassination, both verbal and physical, and I know Mistress Lucy will be, too."

I agreed. Yuu sighed, standing, but wobbled slightly and decided to sit back down, embarrassed "Whatever. Keep your insanity to yourself."

"It's contagious?" Ankh asked, his face alight with amusement. "I better stop breathing, then. For the sake of everyone here." Rutsu chuckled, and Yuu just put his head in his hands.

X x X

My stupid room was freakishly welcome after the whole ordeal. Jenna cleaned up the mess she had made during our departure for once, not asking any questions as I did a sort of slug-move out of my clothes and into clean pajamas. I pulled out my fluffy chair, sat it in front of my viewscreen, window to my right, and prepared for a day of NOTHING. I was given quite a bit of medical leave actually, signed by Rutsu-sama himself. What a past couple days. I had no idea anything like that could have happened, when I was dragging Madame Boothead out of my room that day.

"Any good, trashy dramas on?" The PM asked, hopping into my lap with a tub of popcorn and Seizure Star, the most sugar-loaded, caffeine-loaded substance in existence. It was nearly banned System-Wide, and is banned on Moatoob. It also tasted good going down, sort of like fruit, if fruit was made of chemicals.

I popped open the can, and passed it to Jenna for a quick sip. She downed half the can and handed it back. Sigh. "I think _Nanoblasting in Moonlight _and _Resta for my Soul _are on their season finale. _Skies of Parum _is over."

"Those are sappy. I said TRASHY." She replied, slapping my thigh. Ow. The fat jiggled for a couple moments while I contemplated. "Hooo…_Heat in Space _and _The Librarian: Chronicles in Books and Buttsex _are on…later."

"Do those even have plots?" She asked.

"No. The actors just like to think there are."

"Ah, perfect then. Until those are on, we will watch…this." Jenna passed me the channel guide. My eyes dropped down to the ad.

Oh, my. It showed a rather muscular beast and wimpy-looking human girl in a terrible outfit with giant glasses. One could easily see that she had a sexy body and was model-pretty underneath. The title was "_A Dream, None Too Far: When Dork meets Hunk."_

I rubbed my temples and Jenna cackled and productively changed the channel. For a few days, I was under the faint illusion that all of this would not come rocketing back to me. I'm just a lowbie. There's no need for Guardians to further involve me in this case.

Or with Yuu.

Right, so. It was somewhat-nice while it lasted. I can look back on, and lie about it to the friends I may make one day. It won't come back to bite me on the ass or anything. I can say Yuu and I hit it off, right away. That when we met on the walkway, I merely chucked Jenna into the river without even looking at her, and threw myself into his arms. He wouldn't fall down or make comments on my boobs, but easily lift me and carry me away to the Kego Springs. There, we would do that whole sexy-giggling-young-couple thing, and feed each other those expensive thirty meseta ice creams from the booth, and I would drop it off the cliff by accident and tell him that I ate it all to cover it up. Wait, how is that romantic? Damn, reality leaking in. Then we'd sit around and talk about who we'd do if we were gay. You know, just out of curiosity. It would end with us falling asleep in each other's arms, and I would get to do kinky things to his ears involving peanut butter.

I think. I'm not sure if I want too. I just thought it sounded good. For my imaginary friends. Most people these days are idiotic and horny. I'm not picky.

So of course I was wrong. I got a Vidscreen Memo a few days later from some Communion member; basically threatening I come to Neudaiz or face disembowelment. Great.

X x X

AN: Long, talky chapter. Sorry! It'll pick up next time, I swear. Til then, comments keep me writing. Thanks.


	5. Starlight

Pride of Sakura

_Chapter 5: Starlight_

AN: Something will actually happen this time, I swear! This is the final turning point in the story. I'd say next chapter is last. Or the one after that. Unsure. Chapter title after the awesome Muse song, Starlight. I am such a fan. Though I think my favorite by them is Stockholm Syndrome. X3; Go download it! That and anything by Garbage.

I apologize if things have seemed a little serious, but I didn't intend for this to be pure humor. It's not. I will right a pure humor, some day. Haha. So anyway, the turning point. Also I'd appreciate comments, to ascertain people are reading. O_o

Pride of Sakura Playlist!

Starlight by Muse – Because it's kind of sad and mostly cool.

Konna ni chikaku de… by Crystal Kay – Sugary sweet but not obnoxious, definitely a theme song of sorts to this fic. I listened to it A LOT.

Agony by KOTOKO – Pretty and dramatic. The lyrics fit.

PS: Jenna action figures on sale 01/01/2080.

X x X

That day started off pretty bad. Mostly because that night sucked. I was having a nightmare about the Onmagoug run, except instead of the actual Onmagoug it was Yuu, apparently continuing his Tenblasted campaign of terror. It was one of those ridiculously melodramatic dreams where you ran and ran but no matter what you never really gained any ground. Whatever was behind you could, of course, cruise along like Flying Satan, immediately catching up to you. Normally, dreams end just as you're about to die. It's odd, how it works. I wonder if the adrenalin finally sends a shutoff signal to our brain. But being abnormal, mine decided not to do that. I had gone tumbling down a hill in the CD, coughing up those accursed Mizuraki leaves.

"You could have just given me those MAIDEN BOMB tickets, but no, you had to keep them." Yuu's strangely distorted voice rang from above. "And then you had the nerve to try and hang Christmas Decorations off my ears. Dammit, just because they're there doesn't mean you have to fool around with them all the time. Damn humans." I stood, facing him, in a suggestively ripped up outfit. Classically, it was a white sundress. How cliché. There was still cheesy music wailing in the background, and Yuu looked as hilariously terrifying as in my previous fantasy. Overall it was basically his head on a Tengogh's body, deformed. It was the fangs out of the nostrils that sort of finished it off, and the Mohawk. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

He also had purple toes.

"You jerk," I spat. "I worked really hard to get those tickets. I had to get a second job as a beer sample salesgirl, and that Ryght fag pinched me on the ass so many times there are now permanent indents there! Plus, why would I do anything for you? I risk my life for you, and the first thing you do is tell me I smell like poop!"

He flapped his wings, sending another gale rocketing my way. I noticed his wings were held up my strings. Wow. My imagination really went into detail sometimes. Of course, only when that thing was unpleasant. Among my numerous whipped-cream-and-Rutsu fantasies, there was only the barest detail. I also seemed to remember finding out that the whipped cream had gone bad in one dream. Reality doesn't whisper, it roars.

Then promptly everything stopped, and I was standing in an all-white room, with regular Yuu standing in front of me, his shoulders slumped.

"I never did thank you for that. I'm sorry. I should have swallowed my pride. But after you healed me, I was afraid of what you would think of me."

"Huh?" I asked, taken aback and mystified. His eyes held me still, freezing even my thoughts. Man, this suddenly went from stupid-strange to creepy-strange. Even if it was just a dream, seeing Yuu looking at me seriously at me while not yelling at me was disconcerting.

"Abnormal as you are, I very much doubt you could deal with what you saw."

"Saw…what?" I ignored the slight insult.

His arm jerked, thumb pointed at his back. "That. You saw."

"Saw? Saw what?! What the hell are you talking about?" I yelled as he loped forwards, grabbing my arms and pinning me completely, eyes drilling into mine. I opened my mouth to make some sort of comment about meds, restraining orders, and what I was about to do to his crotch, when his frantic, angry voice cut me off.

"Don't play dumb, Gray. I know you know what I am. Or rather, what I used to be." His grip remained tight, mouth tightened to the point where his lips where white, in an angry line.

"I'm not playing dumb." I pleaded, frantically trying to convince him of that. I continued with "And I want you to be able to trust me with whatever it is I'm supposed to know anyway. What, you're a sex change patient? I'd say you came out pretty good. I mean, yeah, your face is a little girly but…" I trailed off as his eyes remained hard and fathomless.

His face remained stoic, and then "Wake up, or I will poke out your eyes and use them as festive cocktail decorations to entertain the party I will be serving your roasted innards to."

Guh. Yuu's face faded into Jenna's. She has the eerie habit of standing beside my bed. Groggily, I pulled myself up into a sitting position and starred at her. "Today anything special?"

"Your meeting on Neudaiz. Also, the new PM evolution devices are out."

"Oh!" I said, both excited and not. Oddly, I was more looking forwards to Jenna evolving. "I think I'll go with a 452 for you."

She raised an eyebrow, and I sighed. "Basically the same outfit, but with more support capabilities."

"Like I'll support YOU."

"I'll set your butt back to default, lady," I threatened, throwing my pajamas against the wall and searching about for the top I wanted in my army of blue clothes.

She shuddered. "By the way," she added, amusement creeping into her voice. "Guess what."

"What? You've detected some sort of disease that will melt my organs into taco sauce or something?"

"No."

"Been infected by SEED virus, will turn into Pannon that somehow has a gimp leg?"

"Negative. You have decreased in body mass."

Glory. Victory. Triumph. Conquest. Success.

Epic win.

I have lost three pounds. In my thighs, no less. This is so fabulous, I really felt like calling up a bunch of random people to my room and passing out booze. But that involves money, which I don't have much of at all. I have no idea how I lost the weight, I guess all the running around I've been doing lately.

After my whole doom-dance with the Onmagoug, they had hilariously declared that Yuu and I needed to kill it. Right. They said our performance was somewhat of an embarrassment, and basically something along the lines of Yuu and I being that gay nephew you have but don't really talk about. You catch my drift, right? Right. "They", by the way, were our instructors. Even Leo looked all disappointed and fatherly. Tonnio Rhima was with him, whom I actually get along with for some odd reason. Yuu had also been walked into a separate room from me, leaving me to stand awkwardly in the lobby, twitching and imagining different ways to do away with myself. I had come up with drowning myself in a pond weighed down by the bad luck stored in my chest and humungous new Classica boots when Tonnio came to be friendly with me.

I am told this is an epic feat, one on par with the discovery of photons and just-add-water-capsule-pizza. I happened to be somewhat-laying on floor on the Colony's Guardians HQ, and I think I may have been frothing at the mouth and staring at the ceiling in defeat.

"Cheer up, kid." The miniature beast sighed, hands on his hips. "We've all fucked up before."

I nodded, and let him pull me up into a sitting position. "You're right, I know. But…I just feel like I could have done more."

"Yeah like maybe freezing it, then running?"

"Uhh…"

"Orrrr, maybe just blasting off its' wings, then running?"

"Umm…"

He slapped his forehead. "Actually, that idiot Yuu could have just ca—". He stopped, his eyes suddenly narrowing. "Nevermind, guess he couldn't of with you there."

"Huh?" I questioned intelligently. The beast's blue eyes stayed on me a moment longer, then he turned to walk away.

"Nevermind, Lucy. You'll probably figure it out."

Rightttt. I remained in silence, the beginnings out of a pout creeping up. I had left in such a good mood this morning, too. Even bought a new outfit! A (blue, of course) Flaxo Jacket with matching Classica shorts, and the white boots. Boo. I sighed, and figured it was Jenna time anyway. Luckily, Yuu stepped out of the private conference room at that point.

I waved, hoping maybe to exchange some delightful jabs with him when I realized he wasn't going to help my mood any at all. His face was ashen, and his eyes were completely glossed over. "Um…bad time in there?"

His head came down slowly, then back up. I tentatively reached out and patted him on the shoulder. He gazed at the spot where my hand had been, and then straight at me. "We should go, Gray," he said slowly, like speech was difficult. I nodded anyway, turning to walk out the door and onto one of the many lavender walkways around Ohtoku city.

"What'd they say to you?" I asked, trying to keep conversation going. His blank, lifeless stare was seriously starting to freak me out.

"Nothing that…pertains to…something you need to know," he said awkwardly, then looked at me, embarrassed.

"So it's a secret," I drawled. "Whatever. I need to stop by the colony and pick up an Evolution Device for Jenna."

"Ah."

I poked him in the ribs. "Don't you take care of your PM at all?" I questioned, trying to imagine Yuu's PM. It would probably be a cute little 430, with a sweet personality that didn't discriminate between healing you when you were bleeding because you hadn't made them waffles for breakfast. That she didn't even technically need to eat.

"I never evolved mine," he drawled. "I had no need."

"What? But who makes your weapons and watches bad soap operas with you?"

He snorted, silent as we approached the PPT Spaceport. "Well…it's not like I don't want you to come, but you don't have to subject yourself."

"I want to see what happens when a PM evolves," he said slowly, like he was ashamed of admitting it. "I've never seen it before."

I blinked. "It's…sparkly and…your PM seems really happy with herself. Well Jenna was, at least. She immediately demanded I get a commemorative plaque with the date." I chirped, remembering that fateful day. It was nice, to parade around the colony with my own little black beacon of loud and insult. Jenna's little comment about being a government appointed best friend hit me again, and I sighed. It was really sad that something that couldn't technically even feel emotion was the one I looked to the most for emotional support.

When we arrived at my apartment, Jenna was waiting eagerly in my shop. "Do you have it, you useless pile of organs and teenage angst?!"

"Yes," I sighed, summoning the chip from my Nano Device. Yuu looked on in interest.

"Ah-huh, so you brought Ears! Fabulous. Let him see my moment of glory."

"That's...the idea," he said offhandedly, gazing around my shop.

"Here you go, enjoy." I said, and handed the chip to Jenna, who eagerly took it in dainty white hands to hold it up to the light. It was sparkly, in her defense.

Yuu spoke suddenly, to my left. "You shouldn't give it to her, quite yet."

"Huh?" I turned to give him my '_Well, what the fuck' _look. He squinted at it.

"Just a notion."

"Rightttt," Jenna and I said together. I turned to her, completely confident Yuu was just being himself and attempting to spread his own apparent unhappiness.

"Itadakimasu…" Yuu whispered as Jenna gulped the chip down. She blinked, shuddered, began laughing hysterically, and exploded.

I gazed at the slightly smoking spot where my PM had been, littered with clothes and a few strands of purple hair, before I collapsed to the ground and starting sobbing like a ten year old who just got told they couldn't stay up late. Yuu sighed, deeply. "Like I said…she's tweaked, so she's not quite compatible."

"B-but M-Ma—".

"She's good, but not that good. Shidow does mess up."

He leaned, picking me up by my elbow. His hands were cold, and his grip was very firm. He pointed to in front of the counter, speaking calmly, and somehow with what seemed like less of his usual apathy. "Look for a small, silver square. It will be intact." I nodded weakly, still whimpering, and shuffled around, trying to ignore her little sleeves. Sure enough, there was a small chip, fitting into my palm quite easily. It was paper thin, and a rectangle. "Don't worry, you can touch it. It's Jenna's…"

I looked over to him, and I must have looked kicked-puppy pathetic, because the sneer that was playing along his lips faded. "It's her…heart, essentially. Her brain. All of her memories, and even her tweaked AI will be in that."

My heart pulled out of its usual spot somewhere below my stomach, prancing around in my intestines. "So…she'll be okay?"

"Yes. She just needs a body, that's all." I realized he was rolling his eyes at me.

"Screw you," I spat. "Getting all huffy because I dare to have emotions. You're the emo one, I know what you're thinking!"

"Umm?"

"You're thinking," I put up my best nasal male voice, "_Ohhhh, there's that Gray, always screwing up and crying over sitcoms like that time Charles dumped Latifah because he found out she was his long lost twin's step parent's third aunt and actually a man, or when she yells at inanimate objects seek to victimize her, such as particularly ferocious rocks like that time in the CD when she tripped and fell down a hill and really hoped you didn't notice even though it's pretty obvious you did_." I said in my best Yuu voice, all in one breath.

"Right."

X x X

I seem to be heading back and forth between Neudaiz a lot lately. I will summarize a string of boring things for you. Me, on the PPT Shuttle crying, walking down the street crying, Yuu embarrassed, running up the path to Maya's house, crying. I went in and yelled at Maya, who looked apologetic and scrambled around her shop, before finally giving me a tiny piece of wire. I blinked. She tutted and swiped the chip out of my hands, before stringing the wire through a hole and bending it into a hook shape.

"Here," she said softly, "Wear this. I'll need a bit to make a body for her, so just bear with this a couple days."

I carefully undid one of the little sapphire earrings from my left ear, and randomly gave it to Yuu. He sighed and stuffed it in his pocket. The chip hung lightly from my ear and caught sunlight, throwing beams this way and that. "The auto recovery program is rebuilding her quite well. It'll be tiny, but you should be able to hear her voice in a bit. Obviously she won't have many functions, but she can at least talk to you."

I touched the chip lightly. "She's gonna be so apeshit…".

Maya laughed. "Naw. I'll have the new body ready in a couple days."

I nodded in thanks, exiting her house with Yuu ghosting alongside me. Even if I was mad at her for blowing up my best friend, I kind of missed her cheery, bumbling presence. Yuu was massively negative and irritating, worse than usual. Hard to believe, I know. I was hoping Fruit Cup would be cheerier, but Ankh was just as glum. He greeted me on our way to the conservation district, but didn't say much else.

Dammit.

Both of them seemed to keep glancing at me, giving me long, pitiful stares. They would then look at each other, then me. Great.

Were they gonna rape me? I mean, what else could it be? Oh I see it now, they could barely contain their lust for new and improved three-pounds-lighter-Lucy.

By the end of the voyage and an hours worth of walking into the CD, I literally did crouch and klonk their heads together. They both yelped, Yuu more so than Ankh obviously, and turned to give me dirty looks.

"Guys," I sighed, "It's my PM. And she's gonna be FINE. Why are you walking on eggshells?" I looked up at my partners, and my eye was promptly nuked by a raindrop. Mother nature waits, I swear. Leaves came next. Yes. I shielded my eyes against the sudden melodramatic wind just as my Com Device started beeping in an agitating manner. It gets louder and more obnoxious sounding as it is ignored. So of course by the time I got to it, it had gone from BEEP BEEP BEEP to WANK WANK WANK, which just sounded inappropriate.

"Gray here," I sighed.

"Watch your attitude, young lady!"

Blaugh. Yuu and Ankh looked on in concern. "Master Nav," I stuttered. "Do what do I owe the pleasure of being yelled at by you?"

"Smart ass as usual, Gray. Still smuggling hidden cargo?"

If there was a sound for eyebrow waggling, I swear I heard it. "Still old, and kind of creepy?"

"Yes. But on a serious note, your mission has just been upgraded to S2."

"What, why?!" I asked, as Yuu and Ankh's faces showed similar concern. S2 rank was for aesthetics. Meaning people who lived, breathed, and ate Guardians. Not actually consumed them, you know…just had no life and wanted to die young. Yeah.

"Ethan Waber has been confirmed in the area. Laia's seen him, but was unable to challenge him due to certain circumstances."

My heart was already a pro at diving into my stomach, but it had just climbed the high board and dived into my toes. I froze, and was disgustingly relieved to see even Yuu's face pale. "Despite the fact that he looks like an idiot," Nav continued, "He is incredibly skilled. Whatever he's doing, do _not _interfere."

"Huh?!" Ankh growled. "He's an S2 Ranked criminal, whatever he's out here doing is probably bad!"

"Did you HEAR me, Ankh Teano?"

"Y-yes…"

"Now," he continued, "Your mission deals with the Onmagoug, not Waber. If you see Waber…there's a good chance he's not going to attack you."

"Wow, that's comforting," Yuu sighed. He had taken his handgun out, and was carefully loading it with Megid bullets. I could see the purple glow of the cartridge. Megid was a man eating bullet. I shuddered, my senses as a Force immediately picking up the reek of death. It was an acrid, metallic-smelling thing.

"Do NOT provoke him. If he provokes you, haul ass like you've never hauled ass before. Got it?"

We mumbled an agreement, and I felt the communication line cut out. I took a deep breath. "We'll be okay…" I sighed, not quite trusting my own words. Yuu's black eyes were focused on me.

"I know." He kept his gaze locked with mine, and I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks. God, I fail.

"This…works out really nice anyway," Ankh said in a strange voice.

Huh? Running into the most dangerous kid in the galaxy is convenient? How about…no. We continued along the path, Yuu leading the way. I thought back to pictures of Ethan, even the few times I had seen him around my colony. He had seemed…stupid. Happy, kind of good looking and high on himself. I had no interest. Red heads do not breed. Sorry, law of the universe. My dad's blonde.

A roar shattered the air around me, and the Onmagoug promptly landed directly in front of us.

"YOU DIE TONIGHT, FLYING PIG! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE AGEETAS TOO!" I yelled, suddenly angrier than usual. I summoned my staff, prepared to blast the ungodly thing with every Barta spell in my arsenal. Yuu held out his hand in front of me.

"Stop. I will take care of this." He said softly, his back to me. I barely had time to protest when Ankh's arms wrapped around my waist and hoisted me back a good ten feet. I struggled, increasingly frantic as the Onmagoug stomped towards the Newman.

"YUU! ARE YOU NUTS?! HE'LL CRUSH YOU INTO NUMAN-BASED GOO! NO AMOUNT OF TECHNICS CAN HEAL GOO! GOO, DAMMIT!"

He looked over his shoulder at me, eyes oddly luminous. "Can it, Gray." He then held up both arms. I contemplated telling him to stop dancing because that wasn't going to help the situation any, when there was a strangely familiar electric-bell sound. And just when the world couldn't possibly get any stranger, stupider, or more lacking in goodness, I realized Yuu had summoned an SUV.

I looked up at Ankh, who looked unsurprised, his eyes locked on the…Numan? CAST? What. My heart was doing flip-flops. He lifted it easily with his lithe arms, leveled, and fired. There was a battery of noise and lights, and when the smoke and kicked-up leaves cleared, he simply waved the thing away. It beamed back into orbit, and the place where the monster and the woods behind it leveled. Needless to say, the one who ended up being goo was the Onmagoug. I realized I was shaking as Ankh let me slide out of his arms, and I fell to the ground without the support. For the second time that day, I was thrown into complete shock. Astounding, without soap operas. He sighed, I know because I saw his shoulders fall. He pulled the handgun out of his holster, checking it, before turning to me. The eerie blue glow faded from his eyes, and he took a few steps towards me. I felt Ankh shift to my left. What…was going on? I was so confused. I know CASTs can be organic based, or look it, but I healed Yuu. There was no way he was a straight up CAST.

The ping? The rain was coming down hard now, splattering stands of red hair that had come loose from my bun to the sides of my face, and dripping off my lips. I looked up at Yuu, who squinted at me. I looked at Ankh, who tilted his head at me.

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. "Before you even start blathering on, Gray," he said quickly. "I was originally a Numan. I was a 2nd Rank sniper for the Communion of Gurhal. About a year ago, I was in an explosion."

I stared. He carried on, looking skywards, water streaking down his face. "You are right…technics…cannot heal…goo." I winced. "My arms were basically gone. They were reconstructed in a secret lab under Parum. I made a deal with Parum and Neudaiz, and joined the Guardians. All a secret, of course. That's why I can call SUVs."

I nodded numbly, completely blown away. All of this happened to him, and I've been such a bitch? I felt terrible guilt. Even if he was a douchebag sometimes, nobody deserved that. Except maybe Latifah. Conniving bitch. Er, bastard.

"Why…tell me all this now?" I asked, standing up. "Why not before? I wouldn't have said anything, or cared."

He shrugged. "Some people don't think so. A few people know, of course. But not many."

Tonnio! So he did know…Bastard. "You must have been able to tell, when you healed me. I was serious when I said you're a good Force, Lu—Gray." He stopped. I must have looked like a fish, with my mouth hanging open. So, my dream.

"Yuu. We're on a time limit," Ankh aid suddenly, and Yuu's head snapped to the sound of his voice. Huh? I'm so confused, seriously. I was wishing over and over Jenna was with me. Yuu's look was odd, somewhere in-between angry and horrified. I was confused, when a feeling of dread started to push down on my shoulders. The megid bullets glowed eerily against Yuu's pale skin, casting a purple light.

"Right." He took a deep breath. "It's…well. I just want to say that…you really aren't so bad, Miss Lucy Gray. But I have orders. You know too much, and aren't supposed to."

I took a step back, and Aknh's arm shot out, inhumanly fast. I struggled against him, even as he knocked my nano device off my back. The blood was rushing to my ears, my mind dissolving into complete ataxia. "It would be a treat, if I could glance at you in heaven just once, from the edge of hell." He said, with some odd emotion clouding his fathomless eyes and voice, and leveled his gun at me.

X x X

AN: (head hits next) Sorry it took so long. XD HAHAHAHAHA. PUA HA HA HA HA! Next chapter will be…well it won't suck as much compared to this one and the last. Anyway, thanks for reading. Comments keep me writing. 3 I guess Starlight would be the ending theme if this was an anime.

Later! Farrrr away, this ship is takin' me farrr awayyy~ (dodges bullets)


	6. Redheads and Rampages

Pride of Sakura

_Chapter 6 – Redheads and Rampages_

AN: Yeaaahhh!

X x X

I never thought this day would come. When I was fantasizing about Yuu killing me, I didn't think it'd…actually like, you know, _happen. _Though some part of me hates to admit it, Jenna saved my life. Yuu pulled the trigger, and the resulting bullet bounced off my chest like an orange. I looked down in shock. Sure enough, there were yellow photon rings circling my body. Rentis? But I don't know that Technic. The one who knows that technic is…Jenna.

_"…diot…you reall----like I'd let him kill you?" _Came her voice faintly in my mind. _"Even if you don't have your staves, you do have a 450 attached to your dumb head. It's no stress on me if you're the one using your strength to cast. SO BLAST THEIR ASSES."_

"W—what the?"

Now! I turned, frantically summoning the Dambarta spell in my mind. It worked. Holy crap. I slashed my hand leftwards, praying I wouldn't kill them, stupid as it sounded. To my intense luck, Yuu froze, still with his mouth open in a confused gape. Ankh let go when I hit him, and I turned to run when I heard the familiar sound effect of him becoming huge and red.

CRAP CRAP.

He lunged and I rolled somehow gracefully, doing a sort of front flip that turned into a cartwheel that turned into me falling on my ass. I rolled onto my back and, feeling like a superhero, casted Foie. I scrambled to my feet in a storm of cowardice and leaves, turning to run. He roared in pain, grabbing blindly. He managed to get my arm, claws simultaneously raking a gash in my lower back. I felt my shoulder dislocate pretty instantly, before manage to smack my hand on his arm and cast Foie. He let go, quite obviously, while I bolted into the rain just as the ice around Yuu broke, which just made me run faster because I was probably about to get shot.

_"Run fatass, run!"_

I obeyed Jenna and really hauled ass, pushing my heart and lungs to the edge of the abyss. Like I said, I've never been athletic, so my abyss was probably a kiddie pool. Oh well. After a while my run turned into a jog which turned into a power walk, and then just plain turned into me collapsing on the ground. It was cold, and the mud sliding against my chest was a bizarre feeling. Feeling, I reminded myself, is good. It means you're still alive. I breathed deep, the sounds of the rain pattering against my skin strangely loud. Everything was magnified. The smell of the mud, the rain sliding down my face and pooling between my shoulder blades. The pain of my arm and back were there too, but somehow more of a distant ache.

_"Heal yourself_," Jenna ordered in my mind. I took a shuddery breath and attempted to cast Resta. It half-worked, I was so exhausted from running. My heart wasn't quite in it, either. The betrayal had shocked me more than anything anyone in even my soap opera had done. Astounding again. I pulled my knees under me into a sitting position and sat on my legs, gazing at the forest around me. A dreary gray sky, and some of the massive, water-filled trees that I have conveniently forgotten the name of. The weather in this particular spot on Neudaiz was always the same. My breath was coming easier now, as I began to rationalize.

Yuu was a Newman, but basically has CAST arms and a few other things too, which explains why I didn't quite pick up things when I was healing him. Ankh is obviously connected with his past. They're Guardians, definitely. But maybe Yuu is a double agent. That would explain it. But who is he working for, and why? A debt to the one who put him back together? I felt a chill worm its way down my spine. Poor Yuu. Even now, after he leveled a gun at me, I could still think "poor Yuu".

I had heard of Guardians being traitors, but somehow I couldn't just lump him in with someone who wanted money or something. I thought hard about him. Yes, I liked him. His personality and mine kind of clashed sometimes, but I felt as though his good moments with me were entirely earnest. Rare as they were. I starred down at my mud-splattered thighs, grimacing. They were brand new stockings and already ruined. I rose and walked further into the forest, my heart in my throat. Yuu was a sniper, after all. That was his job. Ankh was a retard, I was starting to think. There's really no missing a nanoblasted beast. If I didn't see him coming, I should just finish myself of here and now for that much stupidity.

I walked a while. Looking back, I don't really know how long, but it was a while. Jenna talked to me off and on, trying to guide me with her limited GPS. I had no idea where I was going to go. Was it Guardians who wanted me dead? No. I don't think so. Nav wouldn't allow such things. Ever. So then it was whoever Yuu and Ankh were really working for. I had wandered into a clearing, thankful for my high, shiny boots. They kept my feet warm and dry. Wet socks went on my pet peeves list, along with not-chocolately enough chocolate milk, clip-on earrings, angry old people, that potential ban on Seizure Star for all those seizures, and Jenna's habit of just deciding to strip and climb in the bath with me. I didn't really mind but, she ridiculed me a lot and I sometimes had the suspicious feeling she was filming. Things like that made me think, though, as I gazed around the clearing. I want to go home, and have a bath, and polish my nails with Jenna. I want Seizure Star, and fried chips, and maybe I'd even try to make a friend. I took a deep breath, rage filling my chest. It was warm, though, and I was cold. I healed my arm a little more, though it was still pretty far gone. I wouldn't be able to use a stave, even if I had one.

I would make it back. And then I would…kick ass. Somehow. Yes. That's positive thinking. And just when I thought things were fine and dandy, my heart sunk completely again. Footsteps. Definitely, coming into the clearing. I had been so caught up in my fantasy of Flirty Pink and soap operas that I had forgotten I was being chased by a sniper and a nanoblasted beast. I turned, expecting it to be Yuu with a rifle, and received an even bigger shock. Why me, oh, why me. My knees literally gave out under me, that's never happened before.

Oh God.

Ethan Waber. Five feet from me.

There was no mistaking the shock of red hair. That, and his face was on every wanted poster around the colony and elsewhere. They even did that annoying thing where they stuck it on the inside of bathroom stalls. So then you _had _to look at it. And…In a trench coat. A scary black one that somehow screamed "Pedophile." Crap. Double crap. I was splattered in mud and tears, arm still roaring with pain, and my thoughts were so jumbled I doubted I could even speak, I could barely pseudo-cast, let alone me trying to string the spells together that would possibly save me from having my ass handed to me. Before, it had been the adrenaline rush of the whole near-death thing. Of course this is my luck. I manage to get away from the man I once trusted about to shoot me in the face, only to run into the man the galaxy wants to shoot in the face. I thought back to Laia's advice on him.

_Call backup, or run. He's way good. _

He had broken Laia's ribs, and nearly given the beast a concussion. Great. And here I was, a mid-ranked Fortetecher in emotional distress. With my arm twisted at a festive angle, thanks to Ankh. Silence. The wind, the rain pattering and rebounding off his coat. Piercing blue eyes endlessly far above.

Then.

"…Are you okay?" There was no malice. Just big, clear blue eyes and genuine concern. Guarded, yes. But not apathetic.

No. I'm not okay. I looked up at him through gaunt, red-rimmed eyes. My lip was trembling, much to my agitation. I've been awfully girly lately. Seemingly beyond my control, I nodded "no". Hesitant for a second, he glanced around the clearing quickly before closing the gap between us.

"What happened? Goghs?" He crouched, completely trusting, continuing to talk despite my silence. Or maybe he has Weakling Radar. Negative nod. Stare more. He shifted uneasily. I never imagined I'd be this close to an S2 Class wanted criminal. He wasn't smelly, or ugly. Laia had said he kind of smelled like cigarettes and cheap cologne, and that he had a terrible five o'clock shadow and yellow fingernails. I looked at his hands. Gloves. Maybe she was half right.

"A prancy numan kid that's actually kind of a CAST pointed a rifle at me, so I ran." I said slowly, like I was talking to a five year old. His eyes were very pretty, but I didn't see much…smart…behind them. His eyebrow raised. I continued. "Then, the beast that was with him Nanoblasted and somewhat caught up to me, so I burned him and ran. Not before he could grab my arm and twist, by the way," I continued, my voice getting faster. "By the way, both of them were are my Guardians partners, but they got orders to kill me due to me supposedly knowing about Prancy Elf CAST, even though I really didn't know." I finished, completely wailing. "And NOW I've run into the most dangerous man in the galaxy, and I can't even fight back because my arm is fuckin' busted and to be honest I couldn't remember the difference between Foie and some sort of lamp right now. Also my PM blew up and I'm missing my soap."

He said nothing, tilting his head at me and standing up. I had just basically acted like a six year old.

"You should be careful," he said carefully. "The Onmagoug is ar---".

"SUV plus face." I deadpanned, gazing at his shoes. They looked expensive. Damn.

"Or not." He laughed. I didn't return it, too busy wondering how much his shoes were worth. I looked back up at him, taking a deep breath and trying to get rid of my shyness. I guess I should have been using extreme caution, but again, my sense as a Force wasn't telling me to…well, worry.

"ASK THE STUPID GINGER IF THERE IS SOME SORT OF SHELTER AROUND, LUCY. IF SO, HAVE HIM GET OFF HIS PRESIDENT-SLAYING ASS AND BRING US THERE."

Silence. Wow, Jenna's voice was basically back. And right in my ear. Ow, wow.

"ALSO THERE BETTER BE SANDWICHES."

"PM attached to my ear," I giggled nervously. He squinted at it.

"She seems…lovely?"

"Yea, she uh—".

"I AM A FUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE."

"Right."

"I'm kind of in a hurry myself, but your story checks out anyway. I wondered why I saw a third set of footsteps."

"Wha?"

Really. Wha?

He shrugged, and grabbed my wrist, helping me to my feet.

"IF HE LOOKS AT YOUR TITS, FIRE A ZONDE DIRECTLY INTO HIS CROTCH!"

Ignored. Jenna hates being ignored, and due to her tiny size and location, she was going to be. He let go of my wrist, and I took it back, embarrassed that I hadn't let go of him. Oops. Must not make passes at S2 criminals, bad things will happen.

"Sezaburo and Teano are after me, anyway," he sighed. Yet more shock. I wondered if all of this was going to give me arthritis or something. He looked back at me. "Sezaburo and Teano's Guardian enlistment is just a front. Easier to spy on me."

I gulped.

"Why, what are you doing that's so bad?"

Waber smiled at me. "It's a secret."

"Gross," I added, my attitude surfacing. I didn't think he was going to hurt me. I just felt it. For once, I was right, too.

"So, I take it Guardians doesn't know about Yuu's…um…add-ons?"

Wow, that sounded lame.

"Oh, they know. But according to their records, Yuu was fixed in a happy, legitimate facility."

"So the people who fixed him?"

"The Illuminus, of course."

I rubbed my face. Sigh. So he was an Illuminus agent. So was Ankh, then. He patted my shoulder. "It's all complex, uh—".

"Lucy Gray."

"Luce, it's all messed up and…well, I can't really say anything." He shrugged, the rain soaking his hair til it turned the color of blood. I wonder if mine looked like that, too.

X X X

I don't know how much time passed in between my fevered nap. My broken body, despite my mindset, desperately craved sleep. Waber had deposited me in a tiny cave, the entrance of which was obscured by thick foliage he carefully rearranged once I was inside. It was a sordid affair, but definitely shelter. There was a mat of slightly musty scented blankets, and an array of bottled water.

He gestured to the mat and left without saying a word. Part of me wondered about what he was going to do, but I just kind of uncaringly stripped, much to Jenna's amusement, and passed out. I woke some time later, eyes adjusting to the red-black darkness of the cave.

Jenna was silent, probably hibernating after the excess of activities she performed while I was running from…

The pain of the betrayal washed through me anew, and I bit my lip to fight back the tears. I was not one to cry when I was sad. I was one to cry when I was _mad. _And oh believe me, I was furious. Furious at them, furious at myself. How could they string me along? How could I let myself believe them? Was I such a terrible Force that I couldn't even tell Yuu had _robotic arms? _By the Maiden, my future might as well be shot. Someone could hand me a sick baby and I'd ask them why they're bringing their ailing baby pig to me. Baby robotic pig. I squinted, rasping when I realized how dry my throat was.

I turned to my right, towards the cave entrance, and shuddered in shock when I realized there was someone leaning against the cave wall. They were humming, a slow, easy melody, head down, carefully loading bullets into a gun. I froze when he looked up suddenly, Yuu's face bone-bright even in the gloom of the cave. There was the audible _click_ of the trigger being cocked. I tried to talk, to scream, anything – but my throat rasped, and all that escaped from me were meager tears down my face.

He tilted his head at me, dark pupils rimmed with an electric blue light, and smiled a bit sadly. "_Nakanaide_, Gray-san," he half-sighed, dark eyes somber. "This'll be over soon."

I fought to move desperately, paralyzed and still in terrible pain from bastard Ankh's lovely twisting sexy dance involving my bone. His eyes softened, pitch-black hair plastered to his face with rain, eyes black.

"_Shinpai shinaide_. I shall be very gentle."

I took deep, quick breaths, screaming for Jenna in my mind as he slowly pulled himself up. "_Saa dou kana_. Maybe we'll see each other." I didn't recognize all of what he was saying in his native tongue, but it almost seemed like he was trying to soothe me.

And he opened his mouth one last time as he leveled the gun, and said –

"CAMPTOWN GIRLS SING THIS SONG, DO DA! DO DA! CAMPTOWN GIRLS SERIOUSLY EASY AND REASONABLY PRICED, BETTER BUY THREE! OH DA DO DA DAY!"

I awoke for real this time, still smelly and sweaty and angry, but with Jenna singing extremely retarded camp songs out of my earring, and Ethan Waber squinting at me like I was the physical embodiment of the SEED Virus itself.

"…That PM is awesome," he said at last.

"I know." Said Jenna and I simultaneously, and then we got to talking about how I was gonna get out of there alive.

X X X

AN: To say "delayed" and "rushed" would be like calling Hyuga Ryght "scholarly" and "not a faggot". More coming for reals! :D AND I MEAN THE NEXT CHAPTER IS ACTUALLY HALF DONE OMG. I missed writing this a lot.

Oh btw Japanese for Non-Weeaboos:

Nakanaide – Don't cry.

Shinpai shinaide – Don't worry.

Saa dou kana – Who knows.


	7. Yuu, Speeding Doomloli Express, Manchest

Pride of Sakura

_Chapter 7 – Yuu, Speeding Doom Loli Express, Manchest_

AN: Serious then LULS. Also the end of Ethan and such, because I don't want to rely on canon characters, kthx.

Next chapter or the one after is probably final. Long read ahoy! Some talky-talky, but it's about murder and lolis.

X X X

(YUU'S POINT OF VIEW OMG.)

Ankh's swearing has become part of my life for so many years, that I'd mostly learned to tune it out.

Kind of.

It's rather hard to tune it out right now, for some reason. Possibly because it's him swearing about killing someone I'd actually rather _not_ kill, despite our scruples. I've killed a lot of people, mind you. As a sniper, I killed people. After the accident repaying my debt, I killed even _more _people. I should have let myself die, I thought to myself often, rather than selling my soul to the devil – but too late for that.

Lives became quite inconsequential after some time. Don't get attached, they're going to die, or I'm going to disappear elsewhere. Lo and behold, the one human I actually became fond of I'm ordered to kill after I become fondest of her.

Maybe there was something almost interesting about her figure, to my Numan eyes. Red hair and blue eyes, freckles – breasts, oh my. Not common things amongst my race. But beyond the stupid, feeble physical aspect, I liked her too. She was brave. She was actually intelligent – she bathed.

Big bonus, there.

"Nasty little bitch…gonna snap her little human neck. They have bird bones," he laughed hoarsely, leaning against a tree behind me. I was scanning the surroundings with my goggles for traces of heat. Lucky me, mine are built straight into my eyes. My mercenary partner was burned badly from Lucy's Foie. The fact that she managed to cast it alone was astounding. He winced, his red eyes a little bloodshot. "I know you can heal a little bit, wanna try it?"

I sighed and turned, trying desperately to channel anything through my metal arms. Not much luck. The energy I felt blossom from my chest turned to sludge in my mechanical arms. Healing with my feet would be a bit weird. Still, my partner seemed to close his eyes, his large chest moving up and down in a slower beat.

"It's ironic, isn't it," I said softly after some time, removing my hand from Ankh's arm, "We've never lost a mark in years, and it's a human girl and a batshit PM." I laughed despite myself, the mental image of them sitting in matching pajamas watching soap operas floating into my brain. The obnoxious, blossoming fondness for Lucy had been building in my head for quite some time, try as I might to quell it.

"Even four years of perfection can be tarnished by one lucky pain in the ass girl," he sighed, yawning with a great display of white fangs. "We'll get her though, man." I said nothing, and he tensed angrily. "Don't tell me you like her or something stupid." He drawled, flexing and cracking his rather impressive body. I'd seen him punch through humans and numans like paper. I dreaded the thought of him and Lucy fighting again. The sound of her arm breaking still haunted me. That thought alone upset me. Perhaps Ankh is right, and I am becoming weak.

"No." I answered quickly, or so I thought.

His red eyes rested on me. "Don't be stupid. This isn't just some shoot-em-n-get-paid job on some pirate. This bitch knows—".

"Stop calling her a bitch. She isn't one _all _the time."

"…Gray knows." He growled at me, the temper of his people showing. I massaged my temples in anxiety. I couldn't feel my hair anymore, I realized, or the warmth of my own skin. The artificial nerves they used on the fake skin on my arms wore off after a while.

"I need to get my nerves on my arms fixed again," I said bleakly. He stared at me. "So—".

"Why do you care if I call her a bitch or not?!" He erupted, shifting angrily at me. I held out my arms to stop him. "Look what she did to me!" Even a beast would take a bit to heal from those burns. Lucy was a very talented Force.

_Is._

_ She's still alive, somewhere. She's a good healer, she'll fix herself. _A tinny voice sounded from the back of my head. Ah, hello soul. Been a while, right?

"I shan't have you speak ill of the dead friend." I smiled at him, and he chuckled and sat back down.

"I'll mind my manners then, and respect the Force she was." He looked at his burns in disdain.

I nodded. Force she _was_.

Force she _is_. _Is_ gave me hope. _Is_. I intend to sustain this "is."

And so, I damned myself to even more death and trouble.

X X X

(LUCY'S P.O.V OMG)

"This one time on Parum, we actually managed to steal an entire frozen juice cart. We managed to avoid arrest by blaming a freak electrical storm and Rappies, even though this beast nearly nanoblasted and killed both of us." Jenna regaled me and Ethan Waber, who was sitting against the same wall dream Yuu had scared the crap out of me at, slurping ramen. I was slurping the same kind. Somehow hearing stories of my own antics were more amusing coming from my own ear.

"The CASTS were really confused, you see. But I just acted like I was all boring and official and they believed me. Damn, that ramen smells good—oh, my senses are coming back! Oh yes, but anyway. There was this one hobag that made fun of Lucy's boring hairbun, which is by the way atrocious and terrible. So one day in the colony! We snuck into her room and used Pannon Jelly to gunk all of her doors closed and filled her room Ollaka Livers, and then welded her hibernating PM to her ceiling with a Foie. It was pretty cool."

Waber blinked in disbelief. "Wow, you guys did some cool stuff."

"We had a lot of free time," I mumbled, half in embarrassment. I was feeling a lot better.

"Oh yeah!" Waber said, standing up. "I have a present for you!" He reached for his front pocket.

"ALERT, ALERT! HE IS GOING TO WHIP IT OUT! DEFCON 5! PULL OUT THE SNIPPERS!"

"What the hell are The Snippers?"

"I need scissors! Sixty one!"

"Guess she's still tweaked pretty bad," I sighed, as Waber pulled my nano device out of his front pocket. Relief washed through my system. "T-thank you!" I said as I took it reverently. It blinked warmly in my hand.

"Got a change of clothes in there?" He asked innocently, but eyeballed the Jenna Earring with caution. She was rambling about anemones.

"Oh, probably," I said easily.

"SHE KEEPS MOST OF HER WARDROBE IN THERE, BECAUSE SHE'S AFRAID OF FASHION PHANTOMS GOING AFTER HER ESSENCE."

"…Right." Waber turned around dutifully, as I stood up and tapped my nano device.

It slapped me into a vastly unfamiliar outfit. Or wait. It was a black vest, with Neudaiz style baggy pants, and a dark green low-collared sweater under it.

Oh, God! Yuu's clothes! Waber turned around, and snorted in laughter.

"Guess they scrambled," Jenna offered. "Sometimes photons do funny things to technology. So much magic floating around on both sides." I looked down. The pants fit perhaps a bit snugly around my rump, but were otherwise fine. The problem was the shirt, which was meant for pretty-skinny little numan boys, not busty human girls. The shirt cut low enough to reveal where my breasts started, and stopped just below my belly button.

Greeeeeaaat. And on the cover of _Girl Running From Mercs Covered in Mud Hanging out with Waber Apparently Stealing Clothing Weekly: _Lucy Gray. Seen here wearing the clothing of the guy she's in love with that wants to stuff a Megid bullet in her nose, in charming sniper commandos that reveal her boobcrack and lovehandles. Next week: Ankh's pajamas.

I cycled through outfits, but what came out was a jumbled array of things, including what I guessed to be one of Ankh's boots, a humungous bucket of hair gel that Jenna immediately suggested throwing at Ethan, a giant red trenchcoat I was guessed belonged to Ankh, and some socks, which I immediately thieved. Hey, he _did _try to kill me. I threw the coat over my shoulders for warmth and sank miserably to the ground.

I shoved my hands in my pockets, or Ankh's rather, a couple minutes later. Defeat. I thanked god for having worn a bra that apparently repelled water. I was surprised when I felt something crinkle in my pocket. Some sort of paper? In this day and age?

I pulled it out with my good arm, squinting at the paper. There was an odd drawing on it, with a few lines of scribbled Moatoob. The drawing was of three circles, with a smaller one in the middle of each. There were 5 dots along each, and one dot on each ring was circled.

A map? My heart thumped in my chest as I squinted at the unfamiliar language.

"Jenna, can you—"?

"Fifty-two miles east of Neudaiz. Inbetween the twisted Mizuraki, cave. Careful not to use wrong door."

Waber looked at me quietly, blue eyes alert.

"Their hideout?"

"I would say so, genius," Jenna drawled at me. "No, they're directions to the Illuminus' favorite fried chicken and strip joint. Magashi dances there a couple nights a week, gets real wild."

Waber put his face in his palm.

"So anyway," he said. "You need to get back to the colony, or you're gonna be in big trouble. Teano and Sezaburo are two of the best killers on the market."

I gulped, trying to associate Yuu with such things. Unbidden, the image of TENBLAST Yuu in mysterious sunglasses and a dramatically flapping trench coat came into my mind.

"Yuu is as much a mercenary as Lucy is someone who has a social life."

"Bite me, Jenna."

"Right back at 'cha, babe."

Waber blinked. "They're really dangerous. About four years ago, three important rogue families had their leaders picked off. Two were shot through all-together about ten feet of rock, over a span of about one hundred and twenty-three feet of space."

My mouth hung open.

"He was able to do that using only a heat sensor and a super-sharp bullet shot through a high-intensity photon rifle. He was killed while eating dinner, shot directly through the throat. The bullet was so hot it cauterized the wound before he even died. The bullets he used made a sakura blossom shaped wound. Looked almost like a tattoo." My mind went a little blank. I remembered hearing something about this. But I was young then, maybe sixteen. Was Yuu that much older than me? Waber drew patterns in the dirt floor of the cave, and I felt sort of bad for usurping his bed. Ha. Usurped! "Despite all the prestige, he never revealed his identity. So when Guardians opened up a case on him, they called it—"

"Pride of Sakura." Jenna finished. "File 435-U. Unsolved. Closed as of two years and six months ago, opened again ten months ago. Status is still unsolved."

"Yuu's accident," I whispered. "They gave up and closed it, then reopened it. He must have started …working…again to repay the debt for his arms."

"Sounds right." He continued. "As for Teano." He winced. "He's been in the underworld quite some time now. Teano's the one they used for…personal things. Or when they don't want someone recognized fast."

I blinked, hand moving slowly to my arm. "Most of the time…" Ethan started. "Whoever's unlucky enough to be chosen by him is so maimed that it takes DNA sampling to identify the body."

My breath came out in little gasps for a moment, and I clutched my arm.

"Woo, good thing you got away from that one, spanky. He coulda seriously screwed you up!" Jenna interjected cheerfully, if a bit cracked and fuzzy. His eyes glanced to my arm.

"Him, I take it?"

I nodded, eyes downcast. "Well. I pissed him off really good."

"You'd better hide then. We need to get you back to the colony. Unfortunately I can't set foot there because Laia Martinez hates me. But I know a way to get you to the HQ in Moatoob. You're on your own from there, though."

I blinked at him.

"Oh boy, let's run from mercenaries to a planet full of drunken rapists with cat ears. This sounds like an improvement. Hurry up and get me a new body so I can shoot some people."

X X X

(Yuu's POV, Oh my God again!)

I stretched, watching the rain let up. Ankh slept next to me, leaned against a tree, twitching a bit in his sleep. The beast was restless, upset. I was too, though for different reasons.

I picked at my sleeve, then gazed upon my palm, flexing my fingers. Yeah, I needed a tune-up. Lucy's spell had hit me hard, too. I could feel the wires attached to my nerves grunt in protest. This was my punishment though. Mutilation, followed by a series of annoyances. It was almost funny.

Not really. The one who brought down the hammer of punishment was totally correct in his doing so. He paid for it with his own life, but I suppose that was part of the reward for him. Vengeance, and then supposedly reuniting with his wife and unborn child. Fitting. I was the one who killed them, after all. I looked over to Ankh again, then his hands. His were covered in blood, more literally than mine though. I shuddered. The things he did to his marks…

I knew they were the product of the rage and pain that enveloped his childhood on Moatoob, but still. My own apathy was born of loneliness itself. Two very different sorrows, both resulting in death. What a terrible world we live in, just terrible. I see now why the Illuminus wants to do away with it. I'd never aid them, really. They were just a means to try and live my life again. I was foolish to think I would escape them, though.

I'd always been a bit of walking zombie. Maybe a little less for a while, finding a companion in Ankh. I had gone even number after the accident, acting as a spy for the Illuminus. The only time I felt air actually pass through my fake lungs was with Lucy. Even if it was irritation, it was emotion. I smiled a bit to myself. I'm idiotic. I would have let myself die, rather than summoning my SUV on the Onmagoug and revealing my monstrous self. I put my trust in Ankh getting there in time, thusly endangering all of us.

I flexed my stiff hands, mind racing. Where was she? Was she okay? Was she happy? Would I be able to distract Ankh long enough for her to escape? Our cover was blown at this point. I reached into my pocket, flinching a moment when I felt something sharp. I pulled out Lucy's little sapphire earring, glinting in the gloomy light. I had barely felt the pain. I twirled it between my fingers for quite some time, contemplating.

I looked to Ankh again, and looked at his bloody hands. No, not her. Absolutely not. I sighed, and wished I could see her. I wished it was days ago, when she used to show up at my room in the colony to bug me with random movies and actually fairly tasty food. That was gone now, sunken to the bottom of some dark pit along with the rest of the things I'd never be able to hold.

I guess I will have to wait for hell to see you, Lucy Gray.

X X X

(Lucy's POV!)

I am on a pirate ship, and I only think I'm okay. Not sure how happy I am right now though. Ethan has brought me here. There's some sort of beast loli and a really handsome but insane looking beast man in hotpants. He needs to stop being a man with a manchest. It's distracting.

Ethan was explaining my situation to them. The small beast eyed me suspiciously, clinging to the big man.

He glanced at me, sympathy flashing across his crimson eyes. "Sorry to hear that, kid." He said.

I shrugged nervously. "I've had worse. My PM exploded and I got a scorpion stuck in my bra one time on Moatoob. It had to be surgically removed from my nipple. That's why I didn't really wanna come here but I figured it was better than being shot or reduced to a Lucy-Based-Goo."

Ethan and the beast blinked at me in disbelief, and the pigtailed beast started laughing. I shrugged.

"AND I AM JENNA, QUEEN OF EVERYTHING. IF YOU LIKE IT, I'M THE QUEEN OF IT, AND THEREFORE I OWN YOU."

"Uh. Like I said, I kind of blew her up. Her name is Jenna, and she's modded…"

"I ALSO LIKE PIZZA AND HATRED."

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Alfort Tylor." He said, clearly confused.

"I'm L-Lucy Gray," I said, and held my hand out. Emotion moved across his face briefly, and the girl beamed at me. He took my hand, dwarfing it easily. The contrast of skin tones was not flattering on my part. "Thank you for letting me harass you."

"ARE YOU SOME SORT OF PEDOPHILE?"

Silence. The sound of the ship. My own inner crying.

"HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE NO CHEST HAIR. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-".

I hoped this ship traveled fast as the bridge stared at me in horror. "Right." He said.

Silence.

"Lucy, let's hope this ship has pizza and moves fast. We're going to miss our soap!"

I put my face in my palm. The little beast laughed again. "Ethan, show her to her room."

He obeyed. We moved through a series of halls silently, and I thanked him as he let me in my room. He paused for a moment, then smiled at me.

"You'll be okay," he said. "Once you get home."

"I'm grateful to have met you." I said earnestly. He nodded. "And would you please tell Mister Tylor I'm sorry. Him and his loli. 

"Sure. And her name is Liina, and she's two years older than you." He sighed.

He left, the door swishing closed in the tiny bunkroom. I sank to the floor in relief, resting my cheek against the cool linoleum. Jenna made a gentle _clink _as she made contact.

I listened to my heart beat and let the fan cool my clammy skin. "Of all my luck…"

"We are lucky. But not that lucky. That guy is still a pedo in hotpants. Very dangerous, ar ar ar ar!"

"Huh?"

"Fifteen thousand bananas. I have indeed earned the title of cottage cheese, and will soon be ascending to claim the title of LORD XENU. You will be my faithful servant, Juicy Gay."

"…Guess you're still malfunctioning." I said after a moment.

"Pickles are a delicious source of STEP OFF BITCH, THOSE ARE MY GOLD TEETH, I FOUND THEM FAIR AND SQUARE."

I snorted, the smile feeling painful and odd on my face. I rolled tentatively on my back, the cool feeling wonderful on the scratch marks. My arm had basically healed, but the scratches were still stiff and painful.

Time passes strangely, I decided. I had sort of nodded off, lulled by the hum of the ship, when there was a knock on the door and I rose to a sitting position, looking up.

It was Ethan, looking solemn, along with the captain and his loli-looking-non-loli. "We're just above Moatoob," the beast said, stepping into the room with the other two. The door swished closed, and I suddenly felt very antsy. Jenna was quiet.

"However, we're gonna need to make this look authentic. Switch back into your dirty clothes." I tapped my nano device with the blanket still wrapped around me, and took a peek to make sure I hadn't ended up in anything retarded.

"Checking something?" Liina asked.

"Sometimes one of my boobs goes lopsided. It was a terrible accident involving a truck, a cat, and some lasers, but I'm okay now. Unfortunately due to my disgusting Guardians salary I can only afford to use staples and my own tears to hold it back up." I shrugged the blanket off and stood shakily in my torn, mud-splattered clothes. Pity flashed through Tylor's eyes again.

"Turn around a second."

I did so, and there was a small gasp from Liina. "Wow." She said softly. "He got you deep, huh?"

I nodded, turning back around. "I'm sorry to have to do this to you, after all that." Tylor said, taking a step forward. I tensed.

"Yet another person trying to molest you today," Jenna chipped in.

He rolled his eyes. "Can it, tardbot."

"Up yours, furry!" She cried back.

He put his large hand on my temple, closing his eyes briefly. Liina crossed her arms and pursed her lips. Yeah bitch, I'm takin' your man. Kind of.

"It was nice meeting you, Lucy Gray."

I closed my eyes, what he was about to do dawning on me. Ethan waved at me from across the room, a dorky smile spreading across his features.

"It was nice meeting you too, Mister Tylor."

It was then that the full grown beast raised his arm and brought it back down hard on my temple, thusly knocking me the hell out.

Jenna later told me that I was dramatically cradled against his manchest and carried down the transporter room to be deposited at Guardians HQ. Of course I was unconscious for this. Also, Liina was so jealous she had a fit. When I awoke, there was a tiny boot mark on my shirt.

X X X

AN: Holy crap, long! Thanks for bearing it to the end. XD;

There Mura, I finished it.


	8. Red Rabbits

Pride of Sakura

_Chapter 8 – Red Rabbits_

AN: Dun dun DUN. Sort of chatty chapter and vaguely short, but the next is the final, which will be long and vaguely epic. But only vaguely. Named after a song because I'm stupid. This time it's Red Rabbits by The Shins, which is a vaguely weird, dreamy, sad song.

_Hurled to the center of the Earth again,_

_The place where it's hot, love,_

_You know, it hurts to breath in,_

_And the watershed you balance on is begging it,_

_Well did he ever know,_

_Will he ever know?_

It's about abortion…but ignore that.

Thanks for sticking with me!

X X X

"Lucy!"

Not for the first time in my life, I awoke in a mist of pain and confusion. My head throbbed wickedly, my eyesight pulsing black and bright in rhythm. I guess when Tylor had said they wanted to make it look authentic, they had went all the way.

The Guardians station was in a state of upheaval, I was later told. Apparently, he had sort of kicked down the door, dumped me there, cackled, and laughed. That explained the bruise on my elbow.

I was in the hospital on the colony now, a place I loathed. Sterile and bland, the place reeked of death. I wrinkled my nose in distaste, reaching to my ear to check Jenna's status.

She wasn't there.

_No. _

My heart froze, and I scrambled into a sitting position. No, no, no –

"Idiot. You were out nearly a day, again. How many times are you going to nearly die?"

I looked up in alarm. There was a girl leaning against the window to my left. Outside, it was a sunny day on Parum, faintly ringing with the sounds of cars and crowds. The world continues to carry on around me, I thought.

The girl had a long cascade of violet hair, tied at the nape of her neck. She wore a rather extravagant outfit – a red and black one piece skirt with thigh-highs, and an enormous photon bow tied at the back.

The realization of her identity hit me like some sort of rebel beast captain in hoochie pants that eventually hospitalized me after an extreme emotional episode.

"WHAT IN MAIDEN BOMB'S NAME? JE—".

She dived for me, cool hand covering my mouth. "Shh, Mistress Jenna." Her crimson eyes were bright. "I've been loaned this body to assist you."

I nodded, eyes the size of dinner plates, reflecting in her bright eyes. My own eyes were the same sad misty blue, bloodshot, ringed with dark smudges. I was clean at least, though. I took a deep breath, and she pulled up a chair to the bed, to rest her elbows on the edge and gaze up at me.

"Your vitals have stabilized, though your mental state of being is operation at roughly fifty-seven percent." She said solemnly. "Get your wits together. You've not any time for angsting about your hairbrush and ridiculous amount of scary red leg hair."

I glanced at my legs that had not been shaven in three days.

OH, SWEET GOD.

X X X

(Yuu's POV)

I've always hated hospitals. Then again, this wasn't really a hospital, more like a lab. Still though, I was laying on a bed, watching my own vitals on the display screen with disinterest. I had done this too much. Ankh sat on the end of my bed nonchalantly swinging his long legs like a six year old. He, too, had seen this too many times.

I hate the smell, god how I hate it.

The beast's red eyes focused on me. "Y'allright?" He asked. I nodded numbly, sighing.

"A bit cold," I answered, feeling a bit girly. Well, I was. I was shirtless in the icy lab. My arms had been peeled of their artificial skin, a process that, while painless, disgusted me to watch. Ankh found it delightful, but he was the sort of person that delighted in peeling my sunburns and such for me. Don't ask, I actually can be squeamish. I can watch brain matter explode out the back of someone's head without blinking but scabs and sunburns tweak me out beyond reason.

Without the artificial skin on, my arms were a shiny black, with white stripes traveling down the outside. After that, a layer of simulated veins would be placed, and then the skin with the nano-nerves.

I flexed my fingers, watching the lights bounce off the lacquer.

"Arms feeling any better?" Ankh asked. He himself was looking much better, though there still a nasty cluster of red-white blisters near his right ear, around his cheek. It looked terribly painful. He rolled his shoulders. "Wonder how Lucy's doing."

I tried to mask my surprise. His eyes hardened, and he bit his lip. "If she's fully recovered, it's gonna be harder."

"We have no idea where Gray went. We picked up no communications between her and the Guardians. We shall assume she is dead." Came an uppity female voice from my right, along with the swish of a door. Noriko Yanui strutted in, black heels clicking smartly on the floor, white lab coat flaring. "By the way, stop wasting your skin. It's expensive."

"He got blasted by a full ranked Dambarta. Not much he could have done, Dr. Yanui." Ankh growled. She took a step back, her dark eyes wide and afraid for a moment. She didn't like beasts.

"Yes, well—" She hissed, skirting away from Ankh at the end of the bed to stand over me, voice dripping with fake sympathy. "That human brat got lucky, right? Certainly you won't let one of those apes harm you again, Sezaburo-sama?"

I sighed at her, rolling my eyes. "She's a very talented Force. You shouldn't underestimate her because of her race."

She pouted at me. "I just wouldn't like to see one of our most talented members taken from us. Howser would be displeased. It's bad enough you were stuck in Guardians for so long." She ran her long-nailed hands down my arm.

"Bet you missed me, eh, doll?" Ankh cackled from at my feet, reaching across to grab her, his hand wrapping completely around her forearm and then some. She screeched and struggled.

"Let go of me, you nasty, unclean—"!

I sighed yet again and watched them squabble, mind wandering to Lucy. I very much doubted she was dead. Injured yes, but, not dead. I'm sure she had found a way out, she was a resourceful girl. The only thing that bothered me was the lack of Guardians correspondence. I know Ankh had knocked her nano device off her back, but…How did she get out of there?

"By the way, Yuu," Ankh said, tapping me on the leg. "You need to eat more."

I looked down at my wiry chest. "I've always been like this. It's how most of my people are. You should know this."

He blinked, and I sighed. His own body was a solid gold mass of sinew and raw strength. I wouldn't expect him to get it, I guess.

Ass.

X X X

(Lucy, duh!)

Two days had passed since I was out of the hospital. Jenna was back to being tiny, though could switch at the press of a button. Apparently the body was on loan from Maaya. Kind of creepy she had it, but hey.

I spent my first day laying around crying, weaving in and out of bizarre dreams of him and acrid megid bullets in the rain, before Jenna threatened physical harm enough to make me at least get out of bed, walk around, and watch TV. So I polished my toenails and watched TV with my brain half-off. I couldn't focus on my soap, since Latifah had apparently become both genders and a tentacle monster in my absence. Man, you miss just one episode of one of these…

The world continued with or without me. The news was the same as always, with some beast don visiting Parum for fake peace talk, some new virus, some SEED attack…same as ever.

Things were rather unattached and strange, like I was watching my own life on a vidscreen. I vaguely remember desperately wishing for creature comforts such as nail polish and junk food, while crawling broken through the mud in Neudaiz. Now that I grasped them, they seemed lackluster, not filling the desperate maw that was quickly becoming my heart. Often, I found myself staring with vividly dry eyes at my door, imagining him coming through.

The third day, I thought I had lost my mind. I couldn't even bear myself to speak his name, nor think it. "Yuu" became "Him", like some faintly iconoclastic figure I was forbidden to speak of. It sent a strong, sharp ache through my body to do so.

The fourth day I became a bit more active, brushing my hair and putting on clothes. It was then I cleared out my nano device, tapping it so all the items in it spilled out onto the floor of my freshly cleaned room. Something within me was straining, some figurative rubber band whose meaning I could not fathom.

My staves and guns clattered to the ground, along with various articles of clothing. Jenna stared in silence, picking up a pair of boxers the size of my torso.

"I didn't know Yuu's ass was this big. Wow, numan was seriously good at cramming it all in his pants."

"…I think those are Ankh's, Jenna."

She let out a bloodcurdling scream and Foie'd them on the spot, shaking her hands of the ashes and mumbling about STDs. I sighed and rolled my eyes, glad for her company none the less. Having her to cuddle and bother really helped me.

I began to re-fold the clean clothing that had popped out, zoning out a bit. When I reached down for an unfamiliar green garment, Jenna jumped a good foot in the air and used both feet to dropkick me firmly in the ass. I screeched in pain and laughter, nearly stumbling into my storage box.

"That's it! Trashy drama time!" She clapped and the TV flashed on. Hal's voice filled the room, along with grainy footage of paparazzi surrounding President Dallgun.

"…obviously not. The Guardians are ready to take very severe actions against this."

"Awwwww, news." Jenna sighed, and went to change the channel.

"Wait!" I cried, pushing her little hand down and grabbing her around the middle, plopping in the chair with the clothes.

_"Is it true the Pride of Sakura assassin has never been caught?"_

I focused intently on the reporter, a pretty numan woman. Bitch. "Yes." President Dallgun answered, and there was a cacophony of noise and camera flashes. "However, we have made our every effort to stop this killer."

The rest of the words were drowned out by the rushing sound in my head. Still clutching Jenna, I dove to my vidscreen.

"Jenna, could you bring up the case number for Yuu?"

She sputtered the answer, red eyes looking up at me in confusion, or trying to from under my ridiculous boobs.

"Access denied." Came the robotic voice from my vidscreen. I had tapped into the Guardians network, mind a flutter as I pulled the pieces together. Stupid Guardians! And Laia had given me a misdemeanor for being shot without a permit, by the way.

"Dammit, Laia!" I cried.

"Password accepted. One moment, please."

Silence.

More silence.

Jenna singing a song about twisting off my breasts.

Then bleep, bleep, bling! At least two dozen files began scrolling down my screen. Tentatively, I touched one. My screen immediately flooded with photos, all of them featuring corpses with perfect cherry-blossom shaped marks in their necks or heads.

"That's somewhere past creepy," Jenna stopped singing long enough to interject, then went into a screeching guitar solo.

I scrolled to the topmost one, shaking. Sure enough, the beast ambassador from days before lay strewn across his desk, sakura mark on his neck. His hand was still half-clutching a bottle of booze.

Despite my own fear, I went over a few files. Most were Yuu's work, the perfect, neat scenes. One that I stumbled upon though nearly made me so white I could have been mistaken for a particularly ill-tempered meat bun. Ankh's work, most definitely. The person was…smeared…across the floor. I couldn't even begin to contemplate what race the poor soul was.

"Wow…that's pretty intense." Jenna added, then squinted at me. "If he asks, _you're _the one who burned his boxers. Okay? Okay."

I sank back into my chair, still trembling. Jenna stood on my thigh, wrapping her arms around my neck and putting her chin on my head.

"There, there meatbag. I'm sure he won't maim you _that _badly."

I looked down to the green sweater in my hands, and brought it to my nose, inhaling. It was his, after all. When he was someone else.

Would he have to sink back into this now? This unending river of blood and sorrow? Would he be content to?

_No_, a voice in my head said, no, not at all.

I stared blankly at the vidscreen, then looked back to the array of crap strewn across my floor. The piece of paper caught my eye, and I dived for, dislodging Jenna who screamed obscenities even after I was across the room.

_You could save him_, the voice said again. _You could._

_I could never,_ I argued back in my head. _I'll be killed._

_Would you like him to die? Are you so sure he won't be ordered to kill you anyway? Would you like to be mutilated? Would you like him to sink back down into that hole? Knowing you could pull him out, both of you, will you put those capable hands in your pockets and turn away? Read your books and catch carry blossoms and tears for the rest of your life, wishing and waiting? _

_Weakling. _

My own mind is abusing me, but that's fine. Maybe I needed it.

I squinted at the paper. Jenna came up behind me. "Maaya knew you would," she said slowly, brushing herself off. "That's why she lent me that body. It won't be easy."

I nodded, biting my lip. Whatever restraint had been holding me back snapped then, flooding through me like I had just pulled my head out of water. I'd rather die then go on living with the guilt and sadness. I really, truly would. Even if I was a bitch with an insane lolibot, I wasn't a cowardly one. I Jenna took the sweater from me carefully, folding it on her little knee. "Are you ready?"

I took a shaky breath. "Probably not, but let's go get shot anyway."

X X X

AN: TO BE CONTINUED. AHHHH! /eats own hand


	9. Return to the Earth

Pride of Sakura

_Chapter 9 – Chi ni Kaeru_

AN: ZEE FINAL! Thank you to everyone for all your support, especially Mura, Einhart, Cup of Coffee, and Max! Also to VCC, and Deja's group, for inspiring still more PSU based insanity.

Chapter title: Yet another KOTOKO song, this one meaning "Return to the Earth". I think it's a song about realizing mistakes- and I thought the orchestral in it really aid "finale". Just sorta fits all around.

_My trivial worries and the tears I've shed_

_Become memories before my eyes_

_We're going forward, without doubt_

_When we hurt each other, we realize how gentle we are_

_The pride I've lost and the dreams I've given up on_

_I close my eyes and return to that star_

_The small answer that we found_

_Will surely, someday, help with our future_

_The pain that was born, the days that flowed by_

_Fade into the scenery before my eyes_

_We ran_

_Realized our mistakes_

_Stopping my breath_

_I quietly return to Earth_

Violence and fluff ahead!

X X X

(Lucy)

I decided I liked the me in the mirror a bit better today. I had gotten as much sleep as possible the night before, with Jenna lulling me to sleep with gentle sonnets about her disemboweling me if I didn't comply.

My face was still too pale, yeah. I still had freckles and I think my cheekbones were so high that the cosmos itself would have given up expanding at that point. My hair was still the same auburn color, and my eyes were still watery, but it felt like everything sort of fell into place. I pulled on my Pritia one piece and blue leggings, freshly cleaned, a heavy blue peacoat, and straightened everything. I am Lucy Gray.

I am Lucy Gray. I am human.

Jenna kicked something over in the shop, and started screaming at some poor customer about how slutty their pants were.

I am Lucy Gray, a human with an insane PM device.

I sorted around in my jewelry box, searching for my favorite pair of earrings. I found one, and began searching for the other. I turned no results, and went out to the shop to question Jenna.

She was standing dramatically over a beast woman, hands on her hips. The beast woman gazed up fearfully, then screamed random obscenities and fled my room without even looking at me.

"YOU GET OUT AND YOU STAY OUT, CANOPY ELLIOT! I KNOW YOUR CLEARANCE NUMBER NOW!"

"What…happened?" I questioned her, as she was still shaking her fist at the doorway.

"Bitch was trying to steal my juice, and was wearing ridiculous pants."

"…Okay. Have you seen my earring, Jenna?"

She looked up at me, and I saw a brief flash of light behind her eyes as something computed. "The current match to that earring's signal is very far away."

"…You can track them?"

"I made an imprint of them specifically because you kept losing them, you tiresome meatbag. The other earring is on Neudaiz. Perhaps you dropped it. Again, stupid meatbag."

I blinked, then remembered the day Jenna exploded, and touched my ear. "I had given the earring to him…"

"Who, Yuu?"

I swallowed, trying to ignore the ringing in my ears his name left. "Yeah."

She clapped. "Then we can track him!"

Oh, my. Was this…was this something…positive?

Gasp!

I made my way down to the central table, mind racing the elevator. Could I do this? Could I really pull it off? My feet felt heavy as I trudged up to the fifth floor.

"Gray."

I turned at my name, praying "GUILTY" wasn't written across my face. I think it was, because Laia Martinez was squinting suspiciously at me, green eyes picking me apart.

"Y-yes Laia?"

"Come with me." She turned, and gestured. Damn. Why did I have to come up to Guardians HQ anyway? Oh yeah, had to get a replacement license to board the shuttle to Neudaiz.

Stupid reality.

I paused for a moment, looking to Jenna, who threw me a dirty look and pushed me up the ramp. I followed, feeling extremely boxed in as the door swished behind me and I was suddenly alone in a room with Leo and Tonnio. Laia crossed her arms.

"Since I'm busy, Leo will be deciding how your misdemeanor punishment will be carried out. You failed in a lot of areas. Shape up, Gray," she sighed, and left.

Great.

I turned back to the two beasts, and looked at them with what must have been a great amount of "WOOT, NUTS!" in my eyes.

"Take it easy, Lucy," Leo said, holding up one hand. "We won't stop you."

I bit my lip. "So, you knew about Yuu."

Tonnio shook his head. "We had no idea he was the Pride of Sakura assassin. Those records were bullshitted pretty flawlessly. You can thank Alfort for putting Leo and I in the clear."

Leo smiled in the fatherly way. "Laia's still in the dark however. Probably a good idea to keep it that way."

"You guys are willing to overlook this, for real?" I asked hesitantly. Tonnio shrugged.

"If it goes wrong, it's your funeral."

Yep. He was right. I nodded.

"As far as Laia knows, you were ambushed and shot by some sort of magical-Ethan-Waber-bandit-minion-ginger-kid-thing," Tonnio continued. "According to the Guardians computer, you're dead, as a witness protection program thing. Don't screw it up Gray. Once people see you walking around, it's kinda done for."

"Right. " I took a deep breath, looking over at Jenna. "If there is even one spec of light, there is no hiding in the dark, right?"

"Right." She said. "So no attaching flashlights to your tits, again."

X X X

(Yuu-pii)

After two days of sitting around and Ankh singing torturous camp songs at the foot of my bed, I was still without new skin on my arms. Which was disconcerting. I had been ordered to take out a don from Moatoob. Carrying my rifle without being able to feel it was almost welcome, almost like it wasn't happening. However, I missed the feeling of hot water on my skin during a shower.

I always loved hot water a little too much. I was always incredibly clean. Despite any exhaustion and sadness that still hung on me from the battlefield, I had to shower before I did anything. The Kugo Hotsprings were a favorite place of mine. The feeling of being physically clean was almost spiritual to me.

Carefully, I braced one hand against the shower wall, scrunching my right up in my hair. Despite being scalding hot, it did nothing to ease my discomfort. No feeling, and not knowing what happened to Lucy. There was a swish sound.

"Ankh?" I questioned over the sprinkling of the water. I had been in here almost half an hour, and it was starting to go cold.

"Wrong," Came that nail-grating voice.

I sighed. "I'm in the shower, Yanui," I grumbled.

"Can't say I care. I have news."

My heart did a sort of double-beat, and I fumbled with the knobs in a desperate attempt to restore hot water. I almost felt the news before it even reached my ears.

"Lucy Gray's death has been confirmed. Apparently hypothermia was the cause," Noriko said, barely concealing the snicker threatening to escape her mouth. "Stupid thing was like a cat crawling into a storm drain."

I said nothing, the numbness spreading throughout my body seemingly preventing me from speaking. So she was really gone. Had she died alone, cold? Curled up under some tree, shivering? The pain left me raw, the mental images sapping away any strength I had been pretending to hold on to for all these years.

I let myself sink down, pulling the switch down with me. The water flickered off. It had gone cold anyway.

"I see," I said pitifully, trying to sound apathetic.

She sighed, throwing open the shower door and glaring down at my back. I was crouched rather awkwardly, one hand still on the knob.

"Who CARES?" The scientist fumed. "I just don't understand your emotions sometimes. She's just some idiot you pretended to like while you were pretending to be a Guardian. Pretending! She was in the way, anyway. If you didn't even really like her in the first place, and she was in the way, what's to stop you from killing her anyway? Like it mat-"

I whirled on her, grabbing her collar and slamming her against the wall. She screeched. "I don't like you," I hissed. "Shall I kill you? Shall I tragically interrupt the lives of your family or any of those unfortunate enough to associate with you? You're in my way. You're interrupting my shower. Guess I'll stick a bullet in your throat then. Because after al---"

"Hey, Yuu—WHOA!" NAKED NUMANS? DO NOT WANT!" Ankh cried dramatically from the doorway.

I sighed, and let Noriko go, treading across my room to grab a towel and make myself decent. She stayed slumped and trembling for a moment, before rising and stumbling out of my room. He looked at her retreating form, then to me, all cheer.

"Sup?"

"Lucy's dead," I choked.

He blinked, then cursed. "Aw. I'm disappointed in her, thought she was tougher than that. Or maybe her PM was tougher than her anyway."

That's it.

Jenna.

Jenna wouldn't have let her die, no way in hell. She could have started a fire no problem, she was literally a pyromaniac.

Guardians must have fed that information in, knowing what was up. I was still unsure of how she got back, but the fact was, she did.

"You have another job, then we have to heroically stumble back into HQ. Guardians has us listed as MIA."

I nodded, just wanting him to leave. Yes, assassinating world's cutest small beast, sure got it – bitch's dead. "When's my job?"

"Roughly? Now."

"Who?"

"Some religionfag." He said helpfully. I sighed, and tapped my nano device. Ankh went completely red.

I realized that I was in a Fujifiji skirt with matching open shirt, which went beautifully with robotic black arms, by the way.

"Uh." I said thoughtfully.

Ankh roared with laughter, his chest heaving with the effort. "Yeah, mine scrambled too. Though I wasn't so…er, fortunate. Except my favorite pair of underwear is gone." He pouted.

I tugged at the skirt. Great. I peeled out of them, wondering about it being some sort of strange fetish.

He left soon after, I and I was left to dress in my own room, miraculously. My head swam. She's okay, she's okay.

I carefully pulled out the earring, and set it under my pillow. There. For luck.

X X X

(Juicy Gay)

"Does Neudaiz always have to rain?" I groaned.

"Only when something dramatic is going to happen." Jenna answered, now slightly taller than me and roughly fourteen times prettier. "Be on alert. Target is underground and roughly a mile ahead. Keep going, fatass."

I approached what I assumed was the "twisted Mizuraki", as it was an insane mass of seething vines and water, looming in the gloom of the forest.

"This seems pretty dead-on," I said, "because it's hella creepy." Jenna shrugged, and we both pressed forward. I squinted through the gloom, trying to make out where the entrance could be. It was obviously underground.

"You're pretty good, Lucy," came a voice from the mist. "I figured you weren't dead. No way the pyrobot would let you freeze to death. Bullshit." I whirled around, frantically searching for the source of the voice. "Don't tell me you've forgotten about me already? I only saved your life once."

"…Ankh?" I questioned, and my arm throbbed in response. Shut up, you. How much resta and ice cream will it take for you to stop bothering me? Stupid limbs.

"So glad you could remember me," he drawled from somewhere. Jenna stood still at my left, then held her hand under her waist, point northwest. I nodded very slightly, summoning my staff into my hands. "Oh, so it's like that, is it?" He mock-cried. "Well, force can be met with force."

"Lucy!" Jenna cried, as I was nearly knocked off my feet by him barreling out of the mist. I barely had time to react as I rolled out of the way. Holy crap, fast!

"Eat doom, furry!" Jenna cried, and fired a Foie in his direction. I blinked, shaking off the fact that I just almost died, and tried shooting him myself. Too fast!

He was camouflaged too, wearing a long gray coat in this mist. Every time it seemed I had lined up a good shot, he darted out of the way, laughing. In the time I was stunned, he would dive for me, and I would go sprawling. Again, stupid miracles of bioengineering.

"Stay close," Jenna hissed, back to back with me. "He's trying to pick you off. Stupid meatb—" She didn't have time to finish, as she was knocked off her feet and sent flying a good five feet, where she collapsed, then scrambled to her feet in shock. I turned, firing a barta spell with all my strength.

He froze, perfect clawing stance in mid-air, mouth still open in a furious roar. Encased a solid block of ice, his mouth was still open wide enough for me to count the fangs, amber hair flying in a frozen wreath around his face.

Oh, shit. That was somewhere past the vicinity of close.

I ran over to Jenna, who was staring at Ankh with a grin on her face, unscathed. "Wow. Nicely done, Lucy."

I turned to glance at him floating hysterically like some beast popsicle, then carefully brushed a leaf off Jenna's face. "Still. We need to get to—".

Crack.

I turned, and Jenna gasped. "Losing pressure, ninety percent, seventy percent…he's--!"

There was a brilliant flash of light, and Ankh exploded forth fully nanoblasted with a furious bellow.

OH, SNAP.

Jenna and I dived yet again, and I began to set obnoxious music to the motion.

"Together!" I yelled, and blasted Ankh with my strongest zonde spell at the exact same time as Jenna. He fell with a heartbreaking cry, dropping his beast form and collapsing in a smoldering heap. I bit my lip, fighting back tears. Even if he wanted to kill me—

It was incredibly quiet suddenly, after all the leaf and technic cyclones and noise. Rain pattered off the leaves, and I was reminded of that dreadful day on Neudaiz. His chest still moved up and down, but a little fast for my liking. Was he faking it? I took a tentative step forward, Jenna at my side, clutching her weapon.

He looked quite pitiful, and in terrible pain. The metal pieces adorning his clothing were white hot. Jenna bent down and wordlessly broke them off, tossing them into the gloom behind us. He watched us with furious red eyes, anger holding his tongue in his mouth.

"Ankh," I croaked. "I'm sorry."

I knelt by him, putting my hand on his chest. "But I can't let you get any further. I have to—"

"He's not here." Ankh said suddenly. "He left. He has a job."

"What?!" I asked frantically. Oh, figures.

"He's not lying," Jenna said. "Brain waves are far too stable."

"Where?" I asked, and pumped a little healing into Ankh. A look of relief washed over his face, and I set to pulling off any plastic that was trying to melt on his skin.

"Why should I tell you?" He hissed, grabbing my forearm and pulling me down on top of him. Our faces were inches apart. "You're screwing up my life. This is how I make my living, Lucy Gray. Not by being some dog—".

"You ARE a dog, then," Jenna spoke up behind me, voice cutting through the mist like a tangible object. "Not only that, Teano, but some human's dog. I thought that was what your people resented most."

He looked away. "It's just for the money. That's all."

"Whatever." Jenna said curtly.

I sighed, still sort of half on top of Ankh. I could feel his chest rise rapidly for a moment, as if he was about to get angry, but it slowed, and he looked back at me.

"Yuu is miserable," he said evenly, as if not believing his own voice. "Go find him. He was one of the only people that ever stuck with me no matter what a monster I was. Go save him."

I nodded. "Thank you," I smiled down at him.

"You're welcome. I'll be fine. But you'll need to go to the colony."

"Why?" I asked.

"He'll be assassinating a guest speaker there in roughly two hours."

X X X

(Super Duper Sexy Awesome Kawaii Yuu-chan)

I kept my hood low as I mulled over a cup of tea in the colony. There was a tumult of reporters and whatnot crowding around.

The guest speaker was some old fart from the Communion of Gurhal. Yet another organization I had worked for for money and money alone. I sighed and sipped my tea, then got up and threw the cup out. Bland. Humans couldn't make good tea. The only good hot drink a human had ever made for me was called "hot chocolate". Lucy made it for me…

I slipped into the crowd, working my way towards the elevator to the Dallgun viewing plaza. That's where I would set up for what had to be done.

X X X

(Boingy-boingy Angsty Lucy-chan)

By the time I had arrived at the colony, half of it was sealed off for security purposes. I cursed to myself, Jenna staying close behind me and holding on to my elbow to steer me through the crowd.

"Where would he be," I hissed silently to her.

"Calculating trajectories." She said blankly, and held still for a moment. I looked anxiously at her. She blinked at me. "If he repeats patterns as analyzed in incident reports past, he'll be using high-density photon bullets to pierce from afar. So he would have to be behind the speaker, if he wanted to avoid hitting the crowd. About four hundred yards—"

"The viewing plaza!" I gasped. She nodded.

"Let's go."

We started off in that direction, weaving our way out of the crowd and heading for the Linear Line platform. It was quiet there, with only the sound of dripping pipes and humming rails. I gazed back and forth for signs of Yuu. None.

"I hate this place," I hissed as we stood waiting. "It's so creepy."

She rolled her eyes. "Your human fears are irrational. Please collect your senses and plug them in your never-ceasing piehole."

I blinked at her, then grabbed her cheeks and pulled. She squealed in protest, and I laughed. Even if she was big, she was still Jenna. She glared at me, rubbing her cheek.

"I ain't afraid of you cuz you're big now, you know," I chuckled.

She folded her arms and snorted at me.

"Oh and by the way my breasts are bigger than yours," I added for good measure. She glared even more, glancing at my chest, then looked down at hers and glared more.

The train arrived, and we stepped on in silence, both wrapped up in our own thoughts. Hers were probably about what to poison me with. Mine drifted to Yuu. Was I creepy? Obsessive? No, I don't think so. My feelings for him went beyond my numan fan- girling, beyond pity and straight into some dark place I was tentative about stepping into.

The train arrived at the empty platform, and we set off down the hall. My heart thumped in my ears. What could I say to him? What would he say to me? Does he think I'm dead? Will he start screaming about zombies and Gra-bullets when he sees me?

I turned the corner pondering that and what to make for dinner tonight and almost walked into a fireball. Which, you know, would have been bad.

I watched it fly to my right and leave a giant scald mark against the opposite wall, and decided to turn back.

Um.

I called my staff out. Yeah, think I'm gonna need this.

"HOLY CRAP, THAT WAS NEARLY BOTH HILARIOUS AND TRAGIC. FLY-BY FOIE!" Jenna cried.

"Pity," came a cool voice, and a numan woman rounded the corner. She was very pretty, and I felt as though I had seen her before. Her violet hair was gathered into a pile on her head, and her dark eyes were almond-shamed and deep-set, regarding me haughtily. "Figures you aren't dead. One of my men found Ankh KO'd in a clearing."

I glared at her. "Well, maybe he shouldn't have attacked me." I said lamely. She pursed her lips at me.

"You are indeed Lucy Gray. Allow me to introduce myself – I am Noriko Yanui. As much as I'd like to say 'good job' for nearly doing away with him, I just can't. You need to die. You'll mess everything up," she said evenly, carefully brushing her suit off. A badge hung around her chest.

A media badge. Of course, from the broadcast!

"A reporter"? I questioned, trying to bide time while I figured out a plan. So far it consisted of "BURN DA NUMAN SHE AMS BAD PEWPEW". Jenna stood quietly at my side, but I could see her twitching in irritation.

"As a servant of Howser, we must spread ourselves out and get as much information on the enemy as possible," she said. "This is just but one facet of my devotion."

"You're nuts," I offered.

"Crazy bitch is crazy," Jenna contributed, too.

She threw back her head and laughed. "Whatever," she sighed, another Foie spell charging in her hands. "I'm not going to lose to some _ugly _human bitch anyway."

I bit my lip. "I-I'm not afraid of you," I said, dripping with still more lameness. The vidscreen above us flickered from the tram schedule to the stage where the ambassador would speak.

"Ten minutes, ugly," she smiled, and threw her Foie forth. I barely dodged in the narrow corridor, and felt the heat brush up against my side. "But judging by your performance thus far, you won't be around that long."

Jenna lunged forwards inhumanly fast, and Noriko froze her in place with one wave of her hand. She's an amazing force! I searched for a more open space. How was I going to do this? She laughed again as I dodged another spell, slamming against the wall and dropping my staff. It rolled off the edge of the platform onto the tracks below with a resounding clatter.

DAMN YOU, BOOBS FILLED WITH MISFORTUNE!

I pulled my gun off my hip, and fired a shot at her shoulder, hoping to knock her down and run. No such luck, it bounced off like how Yuu's shot had bounced off me. Rentis?

"Fool," she laughed. "Any sort of photon attack is useless against me. You should know what this is, gimped up fortetecher you are. I don't understand how Sezaburo-sama could stand being near you. Humans should be outlawed from using technics." The pseudo-reporter charged another attack. "See you in hell, Gray."

So photons and bullets were useless. And she used "-sama" on Yuu. Creepy. But if she was immune to photons and bullets…what could I do to her? I looked at the gun in my hand.

Oh.

"BITCH, DON'T BE HATIN' BECAUSE I HAVE TITS! EAT METAL!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, and chucked my handgun at her as hard as humanly possible.

She barely got a "FWAAAAA?" out of her mouth before the gun bounced squarely off her head, spell dying in her hands and she crumpled to an unconscious heap.

"FUCK YEAH, LUCY GRAY!" I pumped both hands in the air dramatically as Jenna came unfrozen.

"---seriously hate being frozen I am so cold where is that bitch I am going to kick her in the throat-- Hello Mistress."

She looked over to me. "Did I miss anything?" She glanced at the KO'd numan. "Oh, guess I did. Is that your staff laying on railroad tracks? Let me get it for you, sweetpea." She said amiably and hopped down and back up nimbly. I took several deep breaths, the gravity of the situation just sinking in. Wow. I owned that bitch.

"I'll stay with her to make sure she doesn't get back up." Jenna volunteered, and crouched by the numan. "Go get ears."

"Thanks, Jenna. Kick her in the neck for me." I said, and rushed ahead.

"Will do. And by the way, half of your shirt is burnt off!" She called after me. I looked down in horror to realize she was right. Damn it all!

_"…welcome, Minister Ikeshi."_ Came the voice from the vidscreen behind me, along with the roar of a distant crowd. Dammit! I pushed my already tired legs even harder, footsteps echoing hollowly in the empty corridor, finally moving through the door into the viewing plaza.

It was incredibly silent. The hum of the ship, and the ethereal glow of the stars and planets so seemingly close betrayed the evil of the actions about to take place.

I searched for him, scanning the room for anything. Nothing. Desperation built in my mind. Was I wrong? Was Ankh wrong? I squinted in frustration.

Ping.

There. His…odd presence…and megid bullets! I took a deep breath, pulling energy up from my feet and into my mind, like I had been trained. Where are you, Yuu?

Dead ahead. I opened my eyes to stare at some sort of gaudy globe statue. It was ugly and bronze, with stars carved out of it in places.

I rushed for it. How much time did I have left? Two minutes? One? Less?

Scrambling up to it, I pushed with all my might.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Came the voice from inside. The top lifted off easily. Fake. I threw the giant thing to the side, and did indeed find Yuu crouching inside with a rifle. The shock on his face was, and is to this day, the most gloriously satisfying and simultaneously heartbreaking thing I have ever seen. I moved up onto the tiny platform.

"L-Lucy?"

I kicked the rifle out of his hands, and watched it clatter to the ground a good twenty feet away. Then I hopped up and down on my foot, because the damn thing was heavy.

"No killin' people. Nuh-uh, no way. Bad stuff. You'll reincarnate as a busty redhead with an insane PM and an insatiable lust for tacos." I tried to half-joke, but found it hard, as tears were welling up in my eyes. I felt like I was going to burst.

We stared at each other for some time, him still crouched, and me lording over him with what I was beginning to suspect was a broken toe. Ow.

"…Y-you came for me?" He asked, black eyes still wide. He was stiff, I noticed. What I thought was a shirt was actually his arms, a shiny black that started at his shoulders. Well, he wasn't lyin'. He frowned slightly as he touched his arm lightly. "Well, you've seen what I am now, completely. A murdering, patch-work monster. Kudos to you, though, for worrying about me."

"O-of course stupid. I'm not letting you go back to this life. Nuh-uh. In fact I am going to be a pushy female and demand you cease this and all related activities, mister Pride of Sakura. I'm worried about you." Tears spilled down my cheeks despite my efforts, and my voice broke. "Because I love you."

He looked hurt. "You're, you—".

I stomped my foot, the one with the non-broken toe, thanks. "Is it so hard to misunderstand that statement?" I sobbed like an idiot, ignoring the fact I should probably be quiet. "That after all the shit we've been through together, fake identities or not, that I love you?"

He blinked, stunned into silence.

"If you don't want me, which you probably don't—that's fine. I get it. I wouldn't want me either," I sputtered. "But please, please don't sink back down into that nasty pit involving murder and Ankh's underwear. I'm here, and I'm pretty sure the sun misses you almost as much as I do."

"Lucy," he said softly, and I nearly jumped in surprise at him using my name. "I—" He didn't continue, and just slowly, ever so slowly, wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning his head on my stomach. His hair was soft and cool against my slightly burnt skin. "I love you too, you weirdo."

"G-good"! I said. "But if you excuse me, I have been burned severely, Ankh tried to kill me yet again, and I sort of owned some bitch."

He chuckled against my stomach. "Was it Noriko?"

"Yes."

"Bout time someone did. Ankh will be happy."

"I sort of owned him, too, but he's okay. He told me where to find you."

"Ah," he said, pulling his face away to look up at me. "I can't believe you're really here. I thought you were dead. They said you froze to death."

"You think I froze to death with Jenna around"? I snorted. "Please, it's an effort for her _not _to start a fire."

He laughed softly, and took my hand. "Well. Since you're severely burned and I'm a serial killer, we should probably go bullshit our way outta this, eh?"

"Agreed, sir," I said, squeezing his hand. Then, with all the planets as our witnesses, we walked through the door together.

Five minutes later I fell down the stairs.

DAMN YOU, BOOBS!

X X X

AN: It's done. DONE! AHHHH! I COULD CRY! Thanks for all your support. Don't be surprised if a cheesy epilogue floats your way.

Thanks a ton to everyone who read, especially after the HIATUS OF ETERNITY. Even if it was an ever-streaming river of literary fail, I am proud to have finished it. Most of this was the product of my fangirling. I am a terrible, terrible romantic. So expect anything I write to be a romance, sorry.

Oops rambling. Again, thank you thank you thank you! 3


	10. Cheesy Epilogue

Pride of Sakura

_Cheesy Epilogue – No, Really-_

AN: Contains so much fucking fluff it can't even qualify as fiction. Christ. Yay.

X X X

"Oatmeal is disgusting," Yuu Sezaburo said one day in a crowded Parum grocery store. "If you purchase it, I am dumping you."

I made a dramatic pouting face, gazing longingly at my grainy breakfast of choice. "B-but it's my favorite. I have it every day! I'll pay for it myself," I fumed, and reached to knock into the cart from the top shelf. Unfortunately my ridiculous breasts brushed against the items below it, thusly knocking about five boxes of not as worthy oatmeal to the ground. I went to pick them up, and bonked my head on the shelf. After a moment of contemplating suicide, I crouched on the floor and clutched my head in pain.

Yuu sighed, kneeling next to me with flat black eyes. "Baka." He helped me pick up the boxes. "Why didn't you let me get it?"

I frowned. "I didn't wanna trouble you," I said, standing up and brushing my knees off.

"It's not a bad thing to ask," he rolled eyes to reach up for the box of oatmeal. Unfortunately as a numan he wasn't much taller than me and his fingertips only brushed it. Gravity then chose to victimize my unfortunate boyfriend, and the box fell directly on his shiny black head.

I think I could have heard crickets chirp in the supermarket as he stood frozen in mortification, tips of his ears going red. I snorted in laughter.

We continued along. It was strange, to see him in such a docile environment. I had seen him on and off in the colony, but most our time spent together was spent bleeding or crying or both. I also felt something like Igor compared to him. He sort of flowed along gracefully, long legs carrying him easily. Myself I sort of trumped along like some sort of irate ginger kid penguin. Sadness.

What most people considered food shopping was somewhat surreal to me though, as it was food shopping for the both of us. Yep, we were moving in together. Astounding, right? I keep expecting this to be another dream that I wake up from with Jenna doing a striptease on my vidscreen when someone was trying to call me. Having to explain that had become a morning ritual.

That and oatmeal.

Which Yuu apparently didn't like.

"So…" I started, and he glanced over at me. I nearly froze. Oh, the hotness. "W-what do you like to eat during the day? Do you like to eat big meals or sorta eat over the course of the day?" Er, wow. Weird question. I was getting ready to palmface when he squinted in thought.

"I guess…one small meal middle of the day, then a nice one for dinner." He shrugged. I nodded.

He also death glared at me suddenly, and I froze. "Among things I hate:-" he cleared his throat. "Oatmeal, cucumbers, radishes, carrots cooked in anything but cilantro and butter, butter most of the time, as a fact, most kinds of grainy bread, all but three brands of white bread, dark meat, soda is disgusting, and I also hate, hate, HATE anything with a squishy texture. Like squash. I don't think I've actually ever eaten it but I'm not going too." He continued listing a massive list of foods he disliked, so basically everything.

I was dumbfounded. "What DO you like?" I blinked.

He was silent.

"Milk. Chocolate. And Ollaka rolls. But not together." He made a face. "I love soup," he added as an afterthought. He then looked at me expectantly. "Anything you dislike?"

I thought hard.

Really hard.

"…Livers?..Tongues… and…Yeah that's it," I said earnestly. "I'm pretty easy."

"Me too!" He added cheerfully. I hope he didn't see the doubt flash across my face. We continued onwards, purchasing our stuff and walking out into the main plaza of sunny Parum.

I turned to look at him, to judge his mood. His face was calm and vaguely apathetic as usual, but he turned to blink at me anyway. "What is it?" He asked.

I took a deep breath to attempt to share my glee at our domestic-ness with him, but ended up walking into someone.

"Gah!" I cried as my bag dropped to the ground with my ass following closely after it.

"Double gah!" Came the response, and I looked in front of me to see a numan man brushing his butt off. "Watch where you're walking, ma'am!"

"Maybe you should watch where YOU'RE goin'!" I yelled in response, standing. He stood too, nose close to mine in a deathglare.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Came a mellow if scratchy female voice, and I turned my head to see a female beast jogging towards us. "Take it easy, y'all." She carefully pulled the numan back. "Easy, Mura," she whispered. He turned to glare at her.

"Leaf! She just crashed into me and acted very rudely!"

The beast blinked at me. "This true, lady?" She glared.

"What of it?" I grumped. I wanted to go home. Who was this duo of stupid?

"How about you two just leave, please," Yuu said icily from behind me. He was just a bit taller than the numan man, but the other didn't seem frightened. In fact, he stepped right up to Yuu and glared.

Uh-oh.

"Not until I get a proper apology!" Mura said, crossing his arms defiantly.

The one called Leaf sighed, but stood resolute. I'm not sure what happened, but it happened within thirty seconds.

Yuu leaned a bit down, putting his hand up to Mura's neck, tucking it in between his fluffy collar, and leaned close, his long pony tail spilling over his shoulder and pooling on the other man's collarbone, whispering something in what I think was their native tongue. The other numan's eyes went very, very wide.

"Huh?" The beast asked, turning pink. Well, it was quite the…suggestive…spectacle. And then as a seemingly final thing, he pulled back both arms and punched each of them in the shoulder.

Howling in pain, they both turned and fled, whining loudly about what a manly punch Yuu had for such a pretty woman.

X X X

When we had finished unpacking, Jenna woke up from recharging to come ridicule us on our choice of food and make fun of my butt in these pants. Life as usual, I guess.

It was about time to make dinner, so I sat and stared.

Uh.

Problem.

"I really don't know how to cook," I said earnestly. "I can do basic stuff, but—"

"Not a problem," he shrugged. "Let's just switch off."

Yay! He's being agreeable and fabulous. I'm so happy. Here we come, sexy giggling young couple status. "Because I'm not eating it if it's gross." He added.

Great.

"Picky manbitch," Jenna added from far below us, sitting on the floor with an open bag of potato chips roughly the same size as her open. She munched thoughtfully. "Just make her do the grunt work." She pointed one tiny greasy hand at me.

So that's how it started. Originally.

But it quickly became nightmarish.

X X X

(Ankh Teano)

Man, things are boring. Yuu's with Lucy now so he's got less time for me. Which is saddening. I guess I was doing the Guardians thing for real now, depressing and corny as it is. Oh well, puts food on the table anyway.

Speaking of food. There was some eerie smelling scent floating amongst this place. Like corn, if corn was made of Satan. I settled down at the table, waiting amiably for my "date".

Five minutes later, two guards appeared with Noriko Yanui in tow. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her usually sleek hair was frizzled.

"They don't give you any conditioner in there?" I teased. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Aren't you dead yet?"

"I wish." I grumbled.

"YOU wish?" She said semi hysterically, photon shackles visible around her hands. "I'd kill you if I could, beast." She spat. "I've told them over and over that you and Sezaburo are the real culprits, but they don't be—".

"Because we aren't stupid…ILLUMINUS TERRORISTS," I said. Hey. No need to get caught this late in the game. I leaned in close to the glass. "We didn't sign our name big and clear on every project and such to get ourselves noticed by Howser_-sama ". _

She turned away from me, puffing her cheeks up. "I'll be out of here, eventually. And when I am? That Gray bitch is DEAD."

I shrugged. "You can try. I very much doubt Yuu will let you kill her. He's sort of in love with her. In fact, I don't think I'll let you kill her either. If she dies, Yuu's unhappy. If Yuu's unhappy, I'm unhappy."

"Why?" She asked softly, looking down. "What does he see in her?"

I sort of wanted to slap her, but hey. "Well, besides the fact she has _great _cans?"

"Besides that!" She yelled, flustered. I wonder if Lucy said something to her about her tiny numan chest.

Naw, never.

"Well, she chased him around the star system to try and save him. She fought me to try and save him. She forgave him for shooting her, or trying at least. Fuck, she trusted herself to an S2 rank criminal and boarded a pirate ship to get to him. What have you done? Glued his skin back on and worn a lot of perfume? Oh, big deal." I rolled my eyes while she fumed at me. "That kid liked him from day one."

"I liked him from day one!" She yelled.

I did feel kind of bad for her. But I felt the reason I didn't like her was about to surface in the form of a rude comment. "And he's with some human ape!"

I slammed my fist on the table, watching her jump. "Lucy's not an ape. Humans are ninety percent idiots, yeah. But there are quite a few decent ones. And hey, I've met more humans I like than numans. A human will at least sit down for a couple beers and talk to you before they judge you. You little gits can't even be bothered."

She puffed her cheeks, glaring at me. Oh, glorious life. Man, I'm hungry. I'm gonna go bug Lucy for muffins.

X X X

(Juicy Gay)

In the end, I had ended up stomping away in a rage, after Yuu had basically taken over completely. I guess his robotic arms proved entirely more effective in cutting vegetables with great precision and a lot less blood.

Hey, what if I wanted to put the extra iron in my food?

I ended up back at the Dallgun Viewing Plaza. Wow. It was empty as usual, with only the silent presence of the planets casting a blue glow over the place. I sat down slowly on a bench, putting my elbows on my thighs and resting my head in my hands.

It seemed strange that this place was so calm after all that happened. I was proud to see the scorch mark on the wall in the hallway though. Noriko Yanui and I's fight had been fairly epic, in my mind.

It was like all of that had happened in some dream. I bit my lip. Sure, we were living together now. I mean, we had officially been together over two months. Which was short yeah, but we decided we had been through so much shit that it equaled roughly a year.

Yet in that time we had never done much as a couple. I mean, we went out to dinner and held hands but…Yuu was still very awkward. I didn't wanna push it, y'know? I'd occasionally catch him staring at me with a somewhat haunted expression in his eyes. I don't know what was going on beyond that dreadful look, and I was afraid to ask in case it upset him. So we stayed close but far.

He never pressured me for sex or anything stupid like that, thank god. But at the same time we'd never even done anything past kissing and even that was a bit tentative and ended swiftly. He seemed afraid of anything else. So whatever, he can have his space. That's fine. We let each other have our lives, really. We were both busy with our work as Guardians.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized he was sitting next to me.

I did at least unleash a bloodcurdling scream, causing him to glare at me. "Yeesh," he sighed. "You're as good at zoning out as ever I see."

I smacked him on the arm. Ow. Metal. I shook my hand in pain. His shoulders drooped and he stared ahead at Parum, blue and green spotted and glowing as usual. "A lot has happened here that seems like it hasn't, huh?" He smiled, shocking me by echoing my own thoughts.

"…Yeah," I agreed, staring at his profile. The glow of the planets caught and reflected off his earrings, and bounced off his hair. Man.

I hate him for being so pretty.

"I'm sorry," he said after a minute, surprising me. He turned to look at me, then cast his gaze downwards, shoulders slumped. He sighed. "I was a jerk. Jenna pointed that out." He pointed to a bruise on his collarbone. "I didn't know she could jump that high…"

I snorted and he smiled slowly at me, and I noted it reached his eyes. Carefully, I reached out and put my hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaning his head into it. My heartbeat did a sort of conga. Sexy.

"I was afraid you were afraid to touch me," he said out of nowhere, surprising me. "Which sounds stupid after it all."

"I…was afraid you thought I was gross." I said bleakly. He snorted.

"Right." He opened one eye to gaze at me. "If you're gross. Then I…I don't even know what to say."

I swallowed, summoned up any courage I had stored in my boobs to fight the misfortune, and leaned forward to kiss him. He let me, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me closer. I really had no idea what I was doing so I recalled my soap operas and went from there. There were lots of girly feelings floating around, like his arms and the way I could smell his hair and cologne, and the fact that his skin was way softer than mine, god dammit. We pulled away when I decided breathing was a good idea, and I decided that this was a terribly romantic place especially because it had once had me half naked kicking rifles around.

I took a deep breath. "Yup," I said with great finality. "That is about how gross I think you are." I then shifted and leaned my head against his shoulder. He leaned his head carefully atop of mine, minding his ears. We stayed like this for quite some time, until I heard some faint footsteps. I looked up, and realized that the beast and numan from before were here.

"With the powers of fangirls and a truly heroic attempt at GAR, a numan!" Mura cried, striking a Sailor Moon-esque pose.

The beast leapt down beside him. "With the power of awkward tan lines and a stupid amount of strength, a beast!" She cried, also striking a pose.

"With our powers combined, we are MOE SQUAD!" They cried, and whipped something out from behind their backs.

"Eat chemical cheese, villain!" The numan cackled.

"Yeah, stupid mean-spirited lesbians!" The beast joined in.

Before we even had time to stand up, we were covered in artificial cheese spray. They threw the cans into the trash can in a rather stylish way, and then ran off screaming about how PDAs were not heroic at all.

Yuu shook with silent rage, cheese especially bright on his black hair.

"Well…we better go show Jenna this so we can not live it down for six months," I said honestly. He stared straight ahead, squeezing my hand almost painfully tight.

"When I find them…"

I pulled him up. "Dinner first, murder after."

He let me pull him along but eventually matched his stride to mine, then bent to kiss the top of my head. "I love you, even if you're covered in cheese."

"I love you too, Yuu."

After that we found Ankh back at our place. He was terribly amused, and Jenna nearly had a system crash from trying to film it and upload on the internet at the same time.

Combined between Ankh and Jenna, we didn't live it down for a year. But that was okay. We had a whole lifetime to be covered in cheese together.

X X X

AN: I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE CHEESY. /awkward grin

For Mura, who wanted a cameo, and Canopy and him being stupid together.

Mura: *various action poses, adjust goggles* GIRLY MALE CHARACTER BEING PLAYED BY A TINY WOMAN! /FLEX

Canopy: *pulls spear out of cleavage* TOMBOY FEMALE PLAYED BY A TOWERING NERD!

Yuu: *SUV noise*

Mura and Canopy: *RUN THE FUCK AWAY*


End file.
